Saturday, February 02, 2008

Good week bad week

At our small group we do this thing some times where we go around the room and state if we had a good week or a bad week and why. A fairly basic exercise but a good way to be honest with each other and to let everyone in on how you are doing. I figured I would do that for my post this time including one good week and one bad week.
I had a really bad week about two weeks ago. It was instigated by work and heightened by my lack of awareness and my neglect to include God in my day to day. The responsibilities of my job have been weighing on me and the need to make decisions about peoples lives and essentially denying people housing when I know that we can't be the ones to do it. I cried for the first time at work and I really cried. I was so embarrassed and felt like a little kid as I was being consoled. The entire week I felt vulnerable and I remember asking my co-worker if their was something wrong with me because I thought I was losing it. I was anxious all the time and when I went home at night did everything I could not to think about work hence the not talking to God part. It finally took me breaking down at small group to wake me up - I was carrying burdens that weren't mine and not trusting God with the people and situations he puts in front of me. He reminded me that he is a BIG God that is powerful in my weakness. A lesson I have learned before but needed reminding.
So THIS week was a good week. Work hasn't changed much but my perspective has. I decided to choose joy and was more free to enjoy the people I work with. Most importantly I allowed myself to rely on my awesome friends and a God that loves me. Okay, just read over the post slightly sappy and perhaps more information than I am used too but it's honest so I won't delete it.

4 comments:

Miranda said...

not sappy at all...and even if it was, sappy is comepletely acceptable! Wanna go for coffee sometime? Would love to catch up and tell you about my trip.

Sarah said...

i'm glad you're doing better. you are so needed in that community - but it is, obviously, so hard. i hope the new perspective helps to keep you going!

ms. maybe said...

Sappy, yes. Honest, yes. You have a tough job and you're not a super hero. It's okay to feel really bad sometimes, when it shakes you into realizing that you have a really hard job and you're not a super hero and you need community and the Creator to keep you going. Good work, sappy one. Good work.

Miranda said...

So are you an Auntie yet???