Almost a New Year

Another Christmas come and gone. Had a nice time at home with the family and yes I did get the flu. Mom and I both thought we were home free and held out for as long as we could be ended up getting sick in the end. I had to drive home to Edmonton the day I was sick - blah and then work the next day - double blah. Oh well there are worse things and I got to enjoy the rest of Christmas so I really shouldn't be complaining.
I cried for the first time in a long time the other day. I mean really cried - sobbing, snotting mess. I don't like crying especially when it is in the presence of another person but I realized it can be important. Sort of a cleansing of the emotional palate. As previously mentioned I have been sad as of late and it actually felt good to cry. I just didn't make the same mistake I have in the past where I would stew in the sadness for a while and listen to music that tore my heart up. Even though it some ways I would have loved to have done that I know it is not the healthy choice - at least not for me. After my melt down I was fortunate to have a two hour drive by myself to process. God and I had a good chat and I decided to hand over some things I have been carrying around with me. I have one pressing thought, one desire that I am clinging too but slowly I am surrendering it. Why do we insist that we know better than He does? Maybe it is just me.
Listening to Bon Iver, drinking wine - lovely way to end a lovely day...

Waiting for the shoe to drop

I am sitting here typing this waiting for the inevitable to happen. I have stared into the face of my future and it isn't pretty. I am home for "Christmas" with my family right now. We are celebrating a week early since my siblings are now married and will be with the in-laws this year. One by one people are coming down with the stomach flu. It started with my one sister and each member of her family got it. They arrived at our parent's place on Saturday the day after the puking stopped and feeling a little frayed around the edges. Sunday morning my sister in-law reports that she has been up vomiting all night. Then my brother soon followed by my youngest sister. Thankfully our house has four bathrooms. So far I feel fine and believe me I have been praying that it won't hit me too especially since tomorrow is "Christmas" morning with lots of fun and food to be had.
We have this tradition in my family that we open up a set of pajamas from our parents on Christmas Eve. Here is a photo of my sister and I wearing our new digs. It was fun this year to be able to fit into the same size as my sister. The other photo is of me and two of my favorite people in the whole world. Life is good.

Please, please, please let me get what I want

This track by "The Smiths" has been rolling around in my head for the past week. I can't seem to shake it. Everytime my thoughts seem to wonder it lands on this song. Along with it I often to Cameron's face from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." You know that scene when he is staring into the painting at the Chicago Art Institute and his eyes are so sad. It breaks my heart a little each time.

Damn this feeling

I am blogging at work. It is a busy morning but I sat down at my computer to chart and Hayden's song "Damn This Feeling" hit me as this nagging sadness settled in again. I don't relate to the song lyrics themselves just the emotion it evokes. I could probably give you a list of reasons why I am sad but none of them really amount to much. I am just carrying around this damn feeling with me these past couple of weeks. I was telling my friends that I don't get sad that often so really I don't mind that I have been lately it is just funny how a general feeling gives you a new perspective on life. So if this post makes you worry about me don't - I really am fine just sad and my joy remains intact.