The way I am.

It was Mother's Day this week and I spoke with my fabulous Mother on the phone. She is a really great Mom we are very close and I have never questioned how much she loves me. Our conversation took a bit of an odd turn as we spoke and she ended up apologizing to me for neglecting me when my younger sister was born. I was surprised by this statement and quickly reassured her but she went on to explain that because of my maturity even at a young age she didn't give me a lot of attention and as she told me I was forced to grow up quickly. She even made the statement that I have always been "the grown-up" even when it seemed she wasn't. I told her not to worry and reminded her of how great I turned out but it did get me thinking. I have been thinking about the whole nature vs. nurture concept and why I am the way that I am. I have always been responsible which is an attribute that I like and has worked in my favor but I have come to realize that I tend to take responsibility on unnecessarily almost as if I have to because that is what is expected of me. Normally I don't mind this and am happy to do it. Being a leader and organizing comes naturally and I step into these roles with a level of comfort and confidence.
But lately things have shifted a little. I have been often described as a rock and steady but holding my shit together these past few months has gotten slightly harder. Since I am this rock I often feel as though people rely on me to be that way so I have not been totally honest, except with one friend, about where I am at. Things are not terrible by any means and I am trying to learn from this time in my life. I have been journalling like crazy and God and I have had many conversations on the state of my heart. I am realizing that there are more things I should let go control of and perhaps this need to be responsible is one of them.