I am beginning to wonder if this change in me lately is permanent. As previously mentioned sad is my default these days. Last week I had a panic moment when I asked myself "Am I still funny?" This was a serious concern for me as I pride myself in being funny and being able to get a good laugh out of people. I reassured myself that yes I still have my funny moments they perhaps aren't as frequent as before. It is strange for me being among great friends and needing to leave because I am so far removed from the situation in my mind I need to escape it.
I do not want you to worry about me as I really am fine. I think that so much change happened in my life all at one time I am just now trying to catch up with myself. I am also realizing that I asked for this. I told God that I wanted him to use me more to pray and intercede for people. I know a lot of this is me responding to the hurt in others and this has a lot to do with my clients.
Yesterday, I met a women who had lost her son at age 28 to cancer. I know this is the story for many people but I got to meet this woman and see her pain and it really affected me. There is a lot of pain in this world and it can be overwhelming for me but I think God knew that I would be okay because I have always been an ambassador of hope. I am optimistic person who sees the glass as half full and knows that God is GOOD. As I write this my faith is churning and even if this change in me is here to stay perhaps it will be for the best.
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