Coming Home

Well I am now in Victoria and enjoying the last day of my vacation - my plane leaves her at 7:30 this evening. I just got back from brunch with my cousin Ashlee and her boyfriend Kyle. We ate at The Blue Fox which I have fond memories of from my last visit and it did not let me down.
I have had a wonderful time on my trip the coast but looking forward to going home - sadly I need to start making money again, nothing left to spend.

Things I will miss in no particular order:
the ocean
the Reis family - I got to see all of them this trip!
My darling friend Nicole, her husband Jordan and their beautiful baby girl Elisabeth
green, green everywhere
people treating me to meals! (thanks Sandra & Tiberio, Nicole & Jordan, Drew & Amber, and Kyle & Ashlee)
not working
discovery

CONGRATS JOEL AND ESTHER ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT!!!!

Chillin' In Vancouver

I am in Vancouver now visited my good friend Nicole. I really love Vancouver - its so green here and the air has that ocean smell to it. I got to meet Elisabeth and she is so awesome. Babies are amazing. She makes all of these funny noises and is so small I can hardly believe it. I wish I could post a photo but I can't plug my camera into this computer.
It is pretty crazy how fast you can love a new baby. It is great to watch my friends be parents. I really love the coast I could see myself living here someday.

On Vacation

It is Friday morning and I just got out of a hot tub that was outside and the rain was falling down ever so gently. I am on vacation and have no qualms about rubbing it in your faces. I love Vancouver island. I look out my aunt and uncle's window and I see both mountains and ocean - it doesn't get much better than that. I was a little unsure about going on this vacation by myself knowing that there be days when I would be totally by myself but it has been really great. I love that feeling of adventure even if it just driving around in a old truck through the streets of a town I sort of know. I suppose I have always been somewhat unsure of my independence but it really is freeing to know that I handle it well - and I enjoy even more than I thought I did.
My heart has been going through some renovations lately. My good friend tells me about a time when God taught her how to transition from loneliness to solitude. For me solitude has come fairly easily but there is some rooted loneliness attach to the idea of what I always believed my future would be. God is tugging at that root...
Check out my ride on the right

i'm not lost just undiscovered

Babies, babies everywhere

Okay so I am apparently at the age where all my friends are having babies. I have been to two baby showers in the last month and next week I am leaving to Vancouver to meet my friends newborn. Plus while at the last shower I saw my friend who is now 8 months pregnant. Babies are great - I love babies, but at the same time I get that longing inside of me. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. For as long as I can remember I have had that "mothering instinct" I do it with all my friends and that is why I became a nurse and work with some grown men who are the biggest babies sometimes. Sigh, I am really happy for my friends but pouty at the same time.
Well I should go I have a baby quilt to finish. For now I will be "aunty" Heidi and that is probably just as good.

Happy Valentine's Day

Well just celebrated my 27th Valentine's Day as a single person. But I really wasn't bitter about it. I got to be with someone I love - my good friend Esther who I am sure is better than a boyfriend. Plus when I woke up in the morning the sky was bright pink and as corny as it may sound I took it as my Valentine's Day gift from Jesus.
So know I am at work and it is beautiful outside and a calm day at the clinic. Haven't had a day like this in quite sometime - I think the weather has a lot to do with it.
Oh and the day only gets better - The Office is on tonight. Sure it may be a little sad that a TV show brings me such joy and satisfaction but it is so funny I can't help myself.

Goodbye Fred

My week of sloth and hanging out with my friends has come to an end. I am pouting. I love my life as a part-time worker.
So I went to the first funeral for one of my clients yesterday. It was simple and probably only 30 people. I sat there thinking about Fred and the life he had led and how because of his addiction to coccaine he died of HIV and liver failure before the age of 50. It was sad and seeing his son and brother and niece made it even worse. But I was thankful that Fred wasn't suffering and I had a hope inside of me. I felt it serging, keeping me afloat as I sat in the pew. I knew Fred had some kind of faith - he spoke of a creator. And even though I didn't know if he had a personal relationship with Jesus I do know that my God is just and loving and I trust Him fully with Fred. I really don't want to go to another client's funeral but considering the line of work I am in it is probably pretty likely.
So Jesus please have mercy for Fred - sorry I didn't do more.

Days almost done

Today has been a good day at work. Not too stressful or anything - but I am tired. Worried I might be coming down with something I have really been needing more sleep lately and my body aches. Just 20 more minutes and I get to go home. Going to bed early tonight - oh what a gripping life I do lead! Sorry this post is so dull.

GRRRRR...

Went to Mr. Lube today to get a long overdue oil change. Finally after waiting in line for 45 minutes they tell me that they don't recommend that they service my car because I have some "serious" leaks in my oil pan and I should have a mechanic look at it. GRRRRRR... I hate cars - I have had so many problems with mine lately.
My fingernail on my index finger got caught on something and tore off on the edge of my nail...oh that stings.
stupid finernail
stupid smart ass teenager calling me ma'am and telling me he can't change my oil!

Day improving

Okay day getting better. Works hasn't been too crazy - as you can tell I have had the chance to post twice. PLUS I got to go out to lunch with my friends! Burnt my tongue on some broccoli but that is minor. I want to have a nap.

Just Another Manic Monday

I am at work wishing that I wasn't. I got in today and my coworker starts telling me how bad it was here last week and how busy it has been lately, sigh. So now I am hiding out in the back enjoying the calm before the storm and thinking about all the sleep I DIDN'T get last night. I am grouchy when I don't sleep.
Isn't the day over yet! I am whimpering - oh I am pathetic.

Waited for so long

FINALLY - my computer is working once again. I have been without a computer and the internet since boxing day. I got home from the holidays and my computer wouldn't turn on. It is amazing how dependent you can become on a machine, especially when it also acts as your stereo.
So I had a great Christmas and a low key but fun New Year. It is funny but it already feels like a long time ago since I have been working a lot since. It is nice to be back in a routine now mainly because I am not eating the gross amounts of food that I ate over the holiday.
Well I am dull nothing left to say.

One week until Christmas

It is Monday morning and I am at work pretending to be busy in the back but instead I am blogging. I am tired this morning because I stayed up last night to work on the quilt I should have finished ages ago and then I rewarded myself for working on my quilt by watching an episode of "Freaks and Geeks". Now tell me why do they always take good television off the air and leave crap like Stargate on forever and ever? I don't get it. So now it is Monday morning and I am sleepy and I want to go home and watch more "Freaks and Geeks" and finish that blasted quilt. Sigh - I guess you can't always get what you want.

Home sweet home

I am in Vermilion right now. Hanging out with my parents and staying at the house I grew up in and sleeping in the room that use to have the cast of 90210 all over its walls. I don't always look forward to a weekend back home but when I get here I am always thankful I came. I love my parents and today it wasn't as awkward as it usually is going back to my old church.
I forgot how cold this house is - maybe that is why I don't mind the cold becuase I have been conditioned for it since I was a very young child.
I have 5 days off right now and loving it. It actually has been nice to work more lately really make me appreciate my time off. Okay I am going to go and crawl under a banket so I can get warm....brrrrrrrr.

Worst Version of Me

Not sure what I should write about. Not much going on with me. I have been making bad choices lately and feeling pretty crappy about it. You know just in the little stuff like food I eat, how I spend my time and I know that I should be wise but I am just too lazy to change. No excuse really - praise the Lord that He is infinitely patient. I don't know how he puts up with us sometimes. I just hate when I live for the weekends and during the week when work is busy all I want to do is watch TV and sit around in my pjs. I know it is okay every now and then but when its all the time I know that I can't maintain that for too long or I just start turning into the worst version of myself.
Okay, not to be a downer or anything I wanted to acknowledge and instead of blogging about nothing I may as well be truthful because lying is my natural tendancy. Another confession people may not know about me - I lie. Stupid little lies that I think protects people - especially me but they don't. They are ugly and sinful and make me feel not so hot. Sigh not sure how this turned into confession time. Guess I am blogging to keep accountable now. Well I should probably go now and spend some time with Jesus. But instead of condemnation I have a feeling He wants to laugh at me and tell me I screwed up again but that it is okay.

Oh so cold

Okay, I enjoy winter but this is a little ridiculous. Not only is it cold outside but I went to a movie tonight and it was freezing in the theatre. I am pretty sure they had the air conditioning on.
The air band party ended up being a lot of fun. The hall was great and we did a lot of dancing afterward which I love. The guys did "Bohemian Rhapsody" and it was wonderful. I wish I knew how to attach a video because I have a sweet clip of Peter and Dave ripping Brent's shirt off.
I went to see Chad Vangaalen last night at the new Sidetrack. It was a nice enough atmosphere and I had a good time with my friends but it is set up really poorly. They have the stage in an awkward place and everyone was shoved into this corner and we couldn't even see him. But I still have fun - I really love him. I love how he is awkward and often messes up then talks a lot about it. Tomorrow night I am going to Sarah Slean - two shows in one weekend that is crazy. I almost went to three because The Dears are in town tonight but I had to draw the line.
Work has been insane lately - so much to do so little time. This weather isn't helping anything. I honestly thought after my day on Thursday that I wouldn't be able to go on but I did and Friday was even worse but it didn't get to me as much. Yes Friday was really crappy and nothing seemed to be going right but I remember where I am. I remember why I work where I do...I praise God for giving me a heart for street people because if not for that I would never survive in my job. I was laughing a little while back about how my this job is probably twice as stressful as my last job but I LOVE it. My last job was just a job - nothing more - it was what I did so that I could afford to live. So even though almost every day I am run off my feet and never feel like I have enough time to finish anything I live now in a lot more peace. So I guess that it is worth it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESTHER!

It is official. Winter is here. We have had a ton of snow lately and I have almost gotten stuck a few times with my car on the unplowed roads. But it was still a beautiful day today and a lot of the snow was actually melting. With all of this brilliant white around it really makes it feel like Christmas is coming. I love Christmas - the entire season fills me with joy. I am so grateful that I don't have to work Christmas at all this year and get to go home and be with my family. I started my Christmas shopping yesterday but I am clueless about what to get people this year - so if you are reading this and expecting a gift from me let me know what you want!
I also enjoy decorating for the season but that has come difficult with my cat around. For those of you who know Tybalt you know what I am talking about. Don't let the sweet exterior fool you. He is crazy and unrelenting when he gets fixated on destroying something.
Okay nothing much else to say my life is boring. Airband party only 3 days away ARE YOU READY!

Ballad of Humankindness

I am looking at my fingernails on the keyboard as I type this and thinking I really need to cut them. I hate long fingernails but so often forget to cut them. Sorry to talk about it but I am just so distracted by them right now.
Had a good weekend. My parents came down on Friday and we went out for an early birthday dinner for me at Langano Skies (awesome food). Then we came back to my place and had cake. My mom made a rainbow cake which I love because she use to always make them for us when we were kids.
Then on Saturday I volunteered at the Salt & Light banquet which is an event that my church has for women and children who live in the inner city. I signed up to be there and pray while everything was going on. Sometimes it can be a struggle finding things to pray for the whole four hours but that wasn't the case. The women who came had the opportunity to write down prayer requests for us and we got so many. I wouldn't be surpassed if every single person submitted a prayer request. It was a real honor to have them be so honest and humble.
I am listening to a song right now by The Dears called "Ballad of Humankindness" and he talks about being sick of his own complacency towards the state of the world and really wanting change. Like him I want to have hope for change - so God keep giving me hope to believe that change will come and you will keep bringing people out of complacency. Bring your healing to inner city Edmonton.

And I can't believe the vast amounts of people living on the streets...And I can't believe that I haven't lent a hand that I'm just standing here...No one should have to live all of their life on their own. -The Dears

Homemaker Me

Thought I would brag a little and show the quilt that I am making for my parents for Christmas. I think I am pretty safe because my parents have never read my blog.
Quilting is something I started doing less than a year ago now and I really love it. I never saw myself as a creative person before and have had very little outlet for that part of me in the past. I tried various things - wrote crappy poetry and short stories, attempted beading and scrapbooking, even bought a sketch book once and tried that. All of these, plus others I am probably not remembering now, only brought me frustration and no fulfillment. But I remember once probably about a year and a half ago now having a conversation with God sort of complaining about my lack of creativity but my desire to express myself in some way and to connect to God in that at the same time. It was then that God told me that I could go ahead and try whatever I wanted. He told me I was too hung up on trying to be good at something when really all I had to do was give up my pride and enjoy it. It was then that I started dancing in my living room when I worshiped Him not caring how I looked or how foolish I felt and shortly after a friend introduced me to quilting. I realized that I wasn't that great at it but I could do it and I really loved it. Now I can spend entire days working on one sometimes with my friend Shari and other days just me and God. So today that is what I did and just wanted to share it with you my friends.

Let's make some soup because the weather is turing cold

It was a beautiful day in Edmonton today. We had our first REAL snow - snow with some staying power. It was the really great wet, fluffy stuff that makes you want to twirl around in it as it falls on your eyelashes. Yes I am a nerd.
It is daylight savings today and it is great because we talk about how we have this extra hour of sleep but really I am up much later than my usual so...Oh well. So this is my sleepy blog. My "I haven't written in a while don't really have much to say" blog.
I am listening to Hawksley Workman right now - his Christmas album of course. He is so delightful and "first snow of the year" just started.
Okay I am turning 27 in less than two weeks. Not really looking foward to it. I use to love my birthday but now I want it to slip by with little acknowledgment. For 25 and 26 I was actually really sad to be getting older now I feel as though I have accepted it but not not wanting to celebrate it. I know it is stupid we all get older but I guess I start to wander - what the heck have I done? where am I going? blah, blah, blah. Such is life I guess. It is not all bad - I liked 26 - I'll like 27 I am sure.

But I wouldn't mind being beside you dear on that laundry line to dry.

Funny how it is...

Not really sure why I write in this thing. No one really reads it anyway. Now I am not saying this to ask for pity or even a comment. I am simply realizing that this blog is more for me than anyone else. Simply another form of expression. Not quite a journal but deeper than a "what I did on my summer vacation" sort of thing. I guess their is just something to putting down your thoughts and sending them out into "cyberspace" that puts some sort of meaning to them. Makes them worth something more I suppose.
It snowed in the city yesterday. I had very little reaction to it as did the rest of Edmonton. It is already gone but sure to come back in the not so distant future. I have a love/hate relationship with snow. I love how it makes everything seem so beautiful - like a soft white blanket. The one thing I really don't like about snow though is that it drives all of the street people indoors and there just isn't room enough for them. The shelter where I work has been FULL every single night lately and I hate to have to tell people that I have no room in medical dorm especially for people who really need it. It really makes my heart sad but I guess you just do what you can with what you have and pray for miracles!