Sorrow and beauty

I have been in love with the album Hospice by The Antlers these days. It is a very sorrowful album full of angst and describes a man who meets and falls in love with a woman in the hospital who is dying of cancer. I listen to it and it is so haunting and my eyes will often well up with tears. I love music.
It is the weekend and I plan to be lazy. I finished my first knitting project, it was a very satisfying feeling, and I have begun another. I should say goodnight I was just listening to Hospice for about the millionth time and was overcome yet again and felt like blogging about it.

The year is new

I am learning how to knit. Yes I know totally cliche. But this time I am determined. It is my third attempt but this time I am investing time and persistence and I stated an actual project instead of the many rhombuses that have been created out of my lack of skill. I have had fun being crafty lately. I have always stated that I am not crafty and I am sticking to my guns because it does not come naturally to me. But I do enjoy a creative outlet and I am thankful that I am okay with not being perfect at it.

So it is 2010 but I do not make resolutions because of the disappointment that inevitable follows. So instead I will say that I aspire to be less complacent - this translates to different aspects of my life which I will not get into.

My week in review:
Highlight: Appliance shopping with Sarah. We bought 2 appliance within 7 minutes at Home Depot and celebrated our skill with a high-5.
Low light: My favorite client died over the holidays and I am devastated. I will miss him and hope I get to see him in heaven some day.

Happy New Year to you.

The photo on the left is my most recent craft project and the one on the right is proof that I am learning to knit.

I know that I grew up here so I should really be tired of the snow but today was beautiful. Everything was white and the temperature was mild - it was magical. I love days like today and I take delight in a white Christmas. I love this season and I cannot wait until I get to go to my parent's house and I get to be taken care of for 5 days, be with family, eat too much and open a new pair of pajamas on Christmas eve.
We had a Christmas party for our clients this past Thursday and it was a riot. I brought the came Guesstures and it was FUNNY. It was great watching everyone play charades and to just hangout. I love my job for stuff like that. I asked everyone to share what the best Christmas gift they ever got was and it was great because everyone had an answer. They all shared about something they were given when they were a kid and then we gave away some pretty wacky handmade slippers and I almost had eggnog come out of my nose. So all and all a pretty good time.
This weekend I get to be lazy and that makes me happy. I got to sew and bake - two of my favorite things and I am about to go to bed another favorite. Happy Saturday everyone and Merry Christmas.

Life is precious

I was reminded on Saturday of life's delicate balance. I received two phone calls in the morning about 15 minutes apart. The first was informing me that one of my clients had died the night before. He had lived a hard life but still his death was sudden and unexpected. I was shocked and thought to myself "what could I have done?" but the soft voice in my head spoke to me saying "you could not have changed anything." Shortly following that call I received another from a good friend of mine informing me that she had had her baby. I was thrilled and so excited for her but my heart did not know what to feel. There I stood suspended between sorrow and celebration and somehow I felt both at the same time. It is amazing how complex we are as humans. In that moment God felt very close to me. We are breath - the bible tells us our lives are like dust. Even though I could not help but feel insignificant in that moment, knowing He was present I felt valued. He is infinite and He knows me.

The war is over

Well something must have worked because today it was just as if nothing had happened. They are ignoring each other - no more fights. Peace. I got hugs today from both of them. This is why I do what I do.

Play nice

I have a job that I love. Sometimes it drives me crazy but for the most part I am happy to be there and think I am good at what I do. Today was one of those days when I shake my head and say to myself "I can't believe this is what I do." I have two clients right now who are having trouble cohabiting. One is very paranoid and is convinced the other is stealing from him. The accused has a quick temper and is threatening to punch the accuser out. My day mainly consisted of listening to them fight, separating them, listening to each of them complain about the other, restating rules and establishing boundaries, negotiating compromise, consoling as many tears were shed, counselling sessions when one of them claimed he was triggered to start "using" again...sigh. I know all you parents out there are probably use to these shenanigans but I tell you it is hard work being the mediator - why can't they just play nice? So I am hoping when I arrive at work tomorrow morning they will both still be in one piece and I will not have to deal with any more drama. Honestly, I never thought this was were I would end up - would I change it? No.

I went to Peru a month and a half ago. It was an incredible trip yet oddly enough it seems so far away and so long ago. Peru is another world and one so different from the world I live in. Everything there seems so backwards to home. In Canada we have so many rules, we move really fast and we have everything we need and could ever want.
I had never thought about going to Peru before and it was not one of those places I knew I wanted to visit. One night I woke up after an intense dream and in my half wake and half sleep state God took the opportunity to speak to my heart and tell me "I'm inviting you to Peru." So 6 months later I was on a boat in the amazon providing medical care to people who have no access to health care. It was truly incredible. The children were beautiful and the people were strong and lived simple lives with absolutely nothing but for the most part seemed pretty happy. It was not an easy trip but I was so thankful that I was obedient. I think of all the missed opportunities that God has presented to me. I encourage you to always keep you heart and ears open. It may turn out to be a trip of a lifetime.

Hello Again

Well hi there blog I am sorry I forgot you existed. I know you think I had given up on you but I am still here. I haven't been reading blogs lately except for cake wrecks of course.
Life is good. I have lived in my new home for one year and loving it. It is so nice living near work, having a yard and friends all around. Last weekend was our 7th Annual Airband Party and it was great getting to host it in our house. We have a huge living room that makes for a great dance floor. I did air guitar yet again and honestly I don't know what comes over me when I air guitar. I am never quite sure what I am going to do but it happens, I feel a little sheepish after, the next day have a sore neck but I love it. It is fun to pretend to be someone else for a little while. I do have a performer inside of me that occasional enjoys being the center of attention. I value people thinking I am funny. I was having a conversation today with a couple of friends and was remembering how a crush I had on someone ended when I realized that he didn't think I was funny.
I am turning 30 tomorrow. I am not thrilled to be leaving my 20s but I have had time to adjust and I have decided to embrace it. I am happy with the place I am at in my life. Thrilled to be past many of my insecurities and now comfortable in my own skin. My life looks a little different then I had imagined when I was younger but I am so grateful that God knew me better than I knew myself. I wouldn't trade where I am at right now for anything. It is a good place to be.
So there it is. Not sure if anyone out there still checks my blog. Don't worry I won't be offended if you don't. Goodnight.

Full time blues

So I went on vacation recently and it was great. I haven't gone away - besides Vermilion or Sexsmith - for a couple of years and I was excited to have a break. My sister and I went to the west coast and it was awesome. I love Vancouver island - if I were to live anywhere else it would be there.
I got back on Tuesday and Wednesday morning I was back at work. I worked three days and then took Monday off. I miss working part-time so much. I really do enjoy my job and I don't regret taking full-time but I don't know why we need to work full-time. Many people do like it and it is almost seen as shameful if you don't work full-time. When I used to work part-time I would get a lot of raised eyebrows and I remember my uncle asking me once why I did that and asked if I was having a hard time finding work. No uncle I just prefer it. I was part time for a year and a half and I loved it - I eventually got over worrying about what other people thought of me and I embraced my life, my freedom, my ability to do things of my choosing. It was great and I think that if I am in the place in my life again where I have the opportunity to work less I will definatly take it.
So I respect all of you who are able to manage full-time jobs and families and everything that life might throw at you. I don't know how you do it but my hat is off to you.

Things I Love

Okay focusing on the good. Here are things that I love.

10. Fridays
9. Chocolate
8. Sunshine
7. When my clients make good choices
6. The Office
5. Living in community
4. The cute faces my niece makes and everything else about her
3. My peeps
2. My family
1. J.C.

Spring is here early

It is beautiful outside. The sun is shining and I am back wearing my spring jacket. How I wish that winter could be over already. I try not to complain too much about winter because I find the summer heat unbearable and I save up my whining for then. But this weather I love - this I can handle. I know I am blogging about the weather and that is boring but I just had to mention how awesome it is.
Come to an open house this Saturday at our new digs! Open house 2-6pm, dance party 8pm. I sure hope I can get my place organized before then.

Long time no see

Okay so it has been two months since my last post - I told you I wasn't very good at this right? I feel like I am getting my life back. For a few months I was feeling out of control. I was stressed, probably unnecessarily so, but I tell you buying a house is stressful. Moving is stressful. So now I am in my new home and really enjoying it. We have had our share of problems since move in day but I am trying not to let if phase me. I really didn't like my life for those few months ever since the day I hit that deer and I don't want to let myself become consumed like that.

So please forgive me friends if I have ignored you as of late. I have missed you all along with my sanity. Sorry God once again for not seeking you in the times when I know I need you most. I have been returning to the things I like lately - friends, God, books, sewing, watching tv with my sister - it is great because it is like when their is this food you really like, you know the dish you get at a restaurant that you loved, then you go back and order it again one day and it is even better than you remember. This sense of relief feels pretty great too. My condo still is on the market and each day seems grimmer in that department but honestly not even that is killing my buzz right now. I am full, I am satisfied, I missed my life.

Coming around

Okay, so once again it has been awhile since I have posted. Life remains busy and somewhat crazy. But slowly things seem to be looking up. I got my car back, finally. It is almost as good as new. For the big news my friends and I got the house we wanted. It was a loooong, frustrating and time consuming process but hopefully worth it. We get possession Nov 28 which is less than a month away - CRAZY! So now all I need is to sell my condo and then I feel I can finally relax. My life has been in upheaval for a couple of months and I am really looking forward to normalcy so....want to buy a condo?!?
I got to go to an airband party this past Friday and it was awesome. I am always a little embarrassed after an airband party. I LOVE to dance and airband. Something takes over and I can't explain it. It is freedom but after I always feel a little sheepish - like the picture which is now my profile pic on facebook - is that really me? Am I really almost 29?

Waiting...

Today I am learning a lesson is patience. My stomach is in a bundle of knots and all I can do is sit back and wait. Today is the last day that my condo is pending, I am waiting to here if the buyer's financing has gone through and if my place is sold.
Also, I am waiting for my building manager to call. On Sunday my toilet overflowed not once, not twice but 4 times. The laundry was backing up into my toilet and my sister and I spent our day scooping water off of our bathroom floor, the plumber didn't come until Monday afternoon. So now my toilet works but I have a ruined carpet, ruined bathroom floor and 2 feet of water damage in my bathroom and bedroom. So I am waiting - waiting to see how much this will cost me, waiting to see when and if it can be done by the condo.
Life lately has been pretty hectic for me. Every day seems to be a new challenge and still don't have my car back after 5 weeks. Okay God if you are testing me is it done yet? When can I breathe again? I really need a vacation - a vacation from life. Things really aren't that bad - God is good and I have peace with most things I just not sure how much of this uncertainty and stress I can take.

Progress

It is all really happening. The community that we have been planning and praying about for so long has taken a big step forward. We found a house - we put in an offer - it was accepted! Wow. If all goes as planned we get possession in January.
All this is very exciting and I can't wait but life lately has been insane. I can't wait for things to slow down. I am overwhelmed pretty much all the time these days. Decisions, tasks, and responsibilities have been bogging me down.
Tomorrow I say good bye to my cat. It is only temporary and I will still get to see him often - thanks to my awesome friend James. This has been stressing me out the most. Now my cat has a bit of a reputation and most people probably figure I could do with a break away from him even my own mother said to me "maybe your friend will really like him and you can be free." WHAT! Did you just say that? Yes, he can be a tyrant. Yes he claws my furniture but I love him - I will miss him.
So if you want to buy a 2 bedroom condo let me know - I want it to sell FAST - not sure if that is realistic. Buying, selling, moving...get me off this crazy train.

Shine off the new car.

So I think God is trying to keep me humble and making sure that I don't take pride in my possessions. On my car's 3 week birthday, yesterday, I hit a deer. So the dent under my door is the least of my problems especially since I can't even open my driver side door anymore.
Yesterday I was pretty depressed. After getting home didn't leave my house just watched TV and felt sorry for myself. But today I am trying to have a new perspective.
I realize that it could have been a lot worse. At least it didn't come through my windshield and I could still drive my car after it happened and my two passengers and myself are still alive.
It's only a car - I have to remember that. More important things exist in my life. I got to see my niece this weekend and she is amazing. That made the trip worth it. I am thankful today.

Visit to Shell from Hell

Well today I had my absolute worst ever visit to a gas station. All of it was my fault - no offense to Shell but it sucked.
It started off by me having to turn a sharp corner to get to one of the pumps and when I did that the bottom of my brand new car got caught on the concrete meridian. I heard a terrible grinding sound and when I got out to check there was a large dent/gash on the bottom of the side of my car extending the entire length of my driver side door. Then I went to pump my gas, I was a little frazzled at this point and forgot to put in my visa like I normal do because I love paying at the pump. So I got my gas and as I always did with my old car would squeeze it past the time when the nozzle would stop itself and off course gas comes spilling out at my feet. Note to self new car not like old car. So I got back into my beaten up car, cursing up a storm, and started to drive away. All of a sudden, as I am sitting waiting to turn, there is the attendant from the gas station "You didn't pay." I was soooo embarrassed. I had grabbed my receipt which I always do at the end of my pay at the pump transaction but of course it was the receipt from the car before me. Thankfully, the man that worked there was very nice and understood that I wasn't trying to steal his lovely overpriced fuel but I still felt pretty crummy.
I was so glad to have my good friend Angie with me because if I hadn't I probably would have lost it. So now I guess I have to take my two week old car to the body shop. But other than those 7 stinking minutes my day was pretty good.

New Car

Well I bought a new car today. I have been thinking about it, reading about it a lot lately and finally decided to go for it. I told myself "I will not buy a brand new car." But I did end up buying brand new after all. YIKES, I really didn't want to but in the end I knew it was the right decision.
My good friend Angie already owns a Yaris and loves it so I am excited that our Yari can be good friends too! I also did a little name dropping while I was at the dealership and apparently they will be contacting her regarding a little bonus she will be receiving - exciting.
So I bought a Toyota, sorry Grandpa I hope I can still be a part of the family (he owns a Ford dealership).

Cooling my jets

Well I look a little like a tomato today. Even though I applied sunblock it wasn't enough to protect me against 7 hours in the sun. We went to Heritage Days yesterday and it was a lot of fun. I love Edmonton in the summer - I love how multi-cultural God made this world. This is my sister Hailey's first summer in the city so we are trying to go to everything that we can. It has been fun re-experiencing Edmonton summers with her. This weekend we also went to the zoo and we got to see the red pandas which have got to be the cutest animals on the planet.
FYI: I am realizing that I need to cool my jets a little. I often get really excited about new crushes and talk about them way too much so sorry but I am not going to be blogging about it anymore.

Some more music I like. www.myspace.com/royalwood

Continuance...

It took me a while to become confident in who I am and believing that I am girl with a lot to offer so I am just happy to be where I am at. We all just need time to feel comfortable in our own skin. I still have my off days but I can honestly say that most days I like who God has made me to be - who He is making me to be. I hope that for each of you.

This is for you Miranda. Music I am currently listening to www.myspace.com/beruit
and also www.myspace.com/shearwater