Almost a New Year

Another Christmas come and gone. Had a nice time at home with the family and yes I did get the flu. Mom and I both thought we were home free and held out for as long as we could be ended up getting sick in the end. I had to drive home to Edmonton the day I was sick - blah and then work the next day - double blah. Oh well there are worse things and I got to enjoy the rest of Christmas so I really shouldn't be complaining.
I cried for the first time in a long time the other day. I mean really cried - sobbing, snotting mess. I don't like crying especially when it is in the presence of another person but I realized it can be important. Sort of a cleansing of the emotional palate. As previously mentioned I have been sad as of late and it actually felt good to cry. I just didn't make the same mistake I have in the past where I would stew in the sadness for a while and listen to music that tore my heart up. Even though it some ways I would have loved to have done that I know it is not the healthy choice - at least not for me. After my melt down I was fortunate to have a two hour drive by myself to process. God and I had a good chat and I decided to hand over some things I have been carrying around with me. I have one pressing thought, one desire that I am clinging too but slowly I am surrendering it. Why do we insist that we know better than He does? Maybe it is just me.
Listening to Bon Iver, drinking wine - lovely way to end a lovely day...

Waiting for the shoe to drop

I am sitting here typing this waiting for the inevitable to happen. I have stared into the face of my future and it isn't pretty. I am home for "Christmas" with my family right now. We are celebrating a week early since my siblings are now married and will be with the in-laws this year. One by one people are coming down with the stomach flu. It started with my one sister and each member of her family got it. They arrived at our parent's place on Saturday the day after the puking stopped and feeling a little frayed around the edges. Sunday morning my sister in-law reports that she has been up vomiting all night. Then my brother soon followed by my youngest sister. Thankfully our house has four bathrooms. So far I feel fine and believe me I have been praying that it won't hit me too especially since tomorrow is "Christmas" morning with lots of fun and food to be had.
We have this tradition in my family that we open up a set of pajamas from our parents on Christmas Eve. Here is a photo of my sister and I wearing our new digs. It was fun this year to be able to fit into the same size as my sister. The other photo is of me and two of my favorite people in the whole world. Life is good.

Please, please, please let me get what I want

This track by "The Smiths" has been rolling around in my head for the past week. I can't seem to shake it. Everytime my thoughts seem to wonder it lands on this song. Along with it I often to Cameron's face from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." You know that scene when he is staring into the painting at the Chicago Art Institute and his eyes are so sad. It breaks my heart a little each time.

Damn this feeling

I am blogging at work. It is a busy morning but I sat down at my computer to chart and Hayden's song "Damn This Feeling" hit me as this nagging sadness settled in again. I don't relate to the song lyrics themselves just the emotion it evokes. I could probably give you a list of reasons why I am sad but none of them really amount to much. I am just carrying around this damn feeling with me these past couple of weeks. I was telling my friends that I don't get sad that often so really I don't mind that I have been lately it is just funny how a general feeling gives you a new perspective on life. So if this post makes you worry about me don't - I really am fine just sad and my joy remains intact.

Doing what is right

I am currently trying to do the right thing. It is what is best. What I should do. The right thing is not always the easy thing. The right thing is a little painful right now and my heart is feeling it. But I guess that is what is required of us from time to time. We do what is right because it benefits someone else and often requires sacrifice. It is not easy to deny our selfish desires and in this moment I want to do what society seems to always be telling me "do what feels right" but where would that get me? Nowhere I want to be. So here I sit and I am deciding to do the right thing. I know I will be grateful in the end and eventually so will my heart.

I am 31 now. 30 was awesome and I am looking forward to what is ahead. Getting older is not so bad.

Epic

I love music. What is it in us that connects with music the way we do? I wonder what all God had in mind when he made us this way. How he decided to give musical talents to some and not others.
I went to see my favorite musical group on Saturday and it was fantastical. Broken Social Scene invaded the stage at the Winspear Center and I could not stop smiling the entire time. A few my favorites (Jason Collett and Amy Milan) where not there but it did not matter. So many artists, so much talent, all on one stage making such beautiful music. Even though I do really love when they are all playing together my favorite moment was when Kevin Drew was on stage alone singing "Lover's Spit" such odd lyrics but it gets to me every time I hear it.

My new favorite album is "Epic" by Sharon Van Etten. A short 7 track albumn but captivating all the same. Her vocals are haunting and lyrics stick with you. Perfect for listening while walking to work on a cool morning, brisk steps, and headphones on. Give it a spin.

On a different note I am still working on becoming a healthier person. I have been a little discouraged lately because the weight loss has slowed down and I seem to keep losing and then gaining back the same two pounds. But I just reread my entry from March and took another look at myself in the mirror and I am stunned at how far I have come. 75lbs later and I can hardly believe it. I am filled with joy as I write this. I honestly did not think this was possible for me. So thanks for the support, thanks Jesus for never giving up on me. Keep moving forward.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

It is autumn. I love, LOVE autumn. The air is crisp, the leaves are changing and I get to wear a sweater and no jacket. The river valley right now takes my breath away. It is here and gone so quickly so I am trying to take it all in before it disappears. I bought 2 new sweaters yesterday. I wasn't going to do it but I did and I feel no remorse.

Just three more weeks and I get to enjoy one week of autumn in New York. I am getting giddy. Central Park in fall - now I can finally know what Wayne Newton was singing about.

Let the music play

It is Monday morning and I am at work and exhausted after a full, fun weekend. It was a weekend filled with music and sunshine. It started Friday night around midnight. We were at the Starlite room waiting, waiting, waiting for Wolf Parade to grace us with their presence. I was getting bored and wanting to leave because I had a 6:30am walk-up call getting closer and closer. But at last they came out on stage and they did not disappoint. They were great and it was fun to be able to see up close someone I have admired for a long time. "My Apologize to Queen Mary" is one of my favorite albums and I was happy to finally see them live.
I headed to bed around 2am and then was awake with my alarm to get on the road to Calgary. It was the folk festival and I was soon going be seeing Dan Mangan an adorable man from Vancouver that I adore. Now I love Edmonton, it is my home and the folk festival here is terrific but the venue at Calgary is better. It is at Prince's Island Park next to the river and with trees all around. It was a gorgeous weekend and I was so thankful for the shade that the trees provided. I had a great time being introduced to new artists and enjoying those I already know and love.
I made it home last night just after midnight and today I am longing to go back to bed but it was worth it.

Photograph shows the highlight of my weekend, Dan Mangan.

The journey continues.

It is summer. Right now is my favorite time of year. Not because of the warm weather nor the garden in my backyard in full bloom. These are great things but not the object of my greatest affection. Tis the season of "Shakespeare in the Park". This year in particular is wonderful because they are doing two of my favorite Shakespeare plays "Macbeth" and "Much Ado About Nothing". I confessed to a couple of friends the other day that a reason one of my crushes ended was because he didn't enjoy Shakespeare. I admit I was looking for reasons to stop liking him but this is a serious offense in my books. What could be better than summer, live theatre, a beautiful park, some of Edmonton's best theatrical talent, and Shakespeare?!? So there is one week left and if you haven't seen it yet you really should. I saw Much Ado for the second time today and tomorrow is my encore performance of Macbeth.
So I have now lost 55lbs. It is a little surreal. It has been hard at times but I am so grateful for the support I have had and the strength God continues to give me. I also went to the doctor for the first time in many years. This new found respect I have for my body is an eye opener.

Yesterday was my first swim. I really did enjoy being in the water and trying to remember the few skills I did learn back in the day. It didn't take me long before I got winded and my arms are sore today. If only swimming didn't come with all the inconveniences of the public change room, getting wet and wearing a bathing suit. I am going to give it an honest try. I bought a month membership and I am going to go at least twice a week if not three. I just need to figure out a routine now and make it part of my life so it doesn't feel awkward. 25lbs and counting.

I have been feeling restless lately, hard to explain and parts of it I don't want to get into. I am thankful to be going on vacation soon so I can escape for a while. Well it is the start of a new day and I should get to work.

Sabertooth Tiger

My new favorite album is "Ghost Glacier" by Breathe Owl Breathe. I always love stumbling upon a new artist and discovering an album I love that I never knew existed. This album is quirky and full of life. The female and male vocals are delightful and that is what I am instantly drawn to. The track "Sabertooth Tiger" makes me want to dance whenever I hear it. New music gets me excited.
I think I want to start swimming. I completed all my badges as a kid and was even in competitive swimming for a while but I hated competing so I didn't last long. But I love the water and that was the fittest time of my life. I know it will be a time commitment and it will involve a public pool and bathing suit but it just might be a form of exercise I will stick with if I enjoy it as much as I use to. I think my two weeks in Hawaii might help me to get back into swimming. Oh I can't wait - 50 days and counting.

Mother, I'm on fire and I can't stop, drop, and roll.

Change

I recently decided that I needed a change. I have struggled all my life with being overweight and always felt like it was battle I could never win. But after many years of shame and failed attempts I have come full circle. It is time, at last I am ready. It has taken a lot of healing and realization to get to this place. I needed to be healthy in my mind and in spirit before I was able to start my road to health with my physical body. Five weeks today and this change has seemed a natural progression in my journey. So far I have lost 17 lbs and I honestly believe that is just the start. I feel confident it is only the start. This is hard for me to say but I want to claim it. Fear still resides inside of me, waiting at ever corner watching for me to fail but I am determined and I have God and faith for this fear to reckon with. This subject It is not something I thought I would ever put out there in the blogosphere but I feel the need to be open with my struggle and my desire for change. One day at a time. Each day choosing to live differently - choosing to love this body the Lord has so graciously entrusted to me. Each day a little closer to where I want to be.

New day in the kitchen

I finally got my new oven. I am elated. My oven has not worked for months and really it wasn't functioning when I moved in over a year ago. My stove top worked great but I have made many trips downstairs to use my neighbor's oven and tried to make smaller items that would fit in my toaster oven. Really it was not that big of a deal and I managed fine and ate well, but it does not compare. I have been skipping around my kitchen today making banana bread and now enchilada casserole. Something so small gives me such joy. It really makes me feel for people who don't have a kitchen to cook in. I will try not to take it for granted.

Ask and you shall receive

They must have heard my pleas for a new album. My brother told me today that Broken Social Scene is releasing a new album on May 4. I am delighted - new album - new tour.
I am getting old. I love music so I love a good rock show. But as I age I am getting pickier about what it takes for me to enjoy rock shows. I use to be able to stay out late and not care, show up earlier and stake out the best spot, endure huge crowds and stand all night. But now I like showing up at the time stated on the ticket and having the show start right away, sitting in a seat, and going to bed early. I am done with stinky crowded venues, doors at 7pm but show really starts at 10pm and 2am encores. Live music I love you but pajamas and sipping a glass of wine in the comfort of my own home I love you more.
Oh and Happy Valentine's Day - true love waits.

We hate your hate

I have decided to come full circle with this post and once again talk about Broken Social Scene as one band. Their self titled album is amazing and deserves its own entry on my list. This album was much anticipated by myself and many others. I try not to have to many expectation when my favorite artists put out new music just in case I am disappointed, which has happened to me a few times. I bought the album the first week it came out and opened it up and I smiled as I read the inscription written on the inside cover - "we hate your hate." I love this band. It is not quite as good as "You Forgot It in People" but it is a very close second.
This album is full of sound and emotion. The music builds and builds and it often sounds as though Kevin Drew is shouting above the swell of an orchestra. I love playing it loud and driving fast in my car - it is the perfect combination.
This album was released in 2005 and I am still waiting for its successor. Please BSS, I miss you.

So that concludes week two of my music blogs. I have really enjoyed writing about music even if it was only you reading it Miranda It was great to reacquaint myself with beloved music. I think I will take a break from the music blogs for now but perhaps I will revisit it some time. Happy listening!

Favorite track: "Major Label Debut" - "I'm all hooked up"

Goes to show love is crazy

Just a slight diversion from my last post as today I am featuring one of the members of Stars. Amy Millan has one of the most angelic voices I have ever heard. It is almost childlike but powerful in its quality and clarity. I must admit I prefer her as a member of Stars but her solo album "Masters of the Burial" is lovely. It is a simple album that lulls along and could sing you asleep. I am just getting to know it as it is new to me but thought it deserved to be included in this weeks list.
This album is a mix of her own work as well as covers but she puts her own stamp on each track and her own material is my favorite. I listen to this album with a smile on my face and my heart feels light. A feel good album that yes doesn't have a lot of depth or layers but is definitely worth a listen.

Favorite track: "Day to Day" - "My love for you is like a river. It runs and falls and goes on forever."

"I am trying to say what I am wanting to say without having to say I love you"

This next post is dedicated to Stars. A delicious band that I have seen live and I am always entertained. If it isn't Amy Millan's clear, soft voice then it is the dramatics and enthusiasm of Torquill Campbell. My favorite Stars album is "Set Yourself on Fire". This album is terrific from start to finish. I have listened to it countless times and is one of my favorites for road trips. For me it is the perfect mix of fun pop music and slow ballads. Each track tells a story and makes me sing along.
I always have to mention the album "Up In Our Bedroom After the War" because it is a close second in my heart. It is equally delightful and I love what Campbell had to say about it when they were creating it he said "What is the darkest possible situation that I could turn into a beautiful pop song."
My only complaint about Stars is having to wait so long between albums.

Favorite track: "Your Ex-Lover is Dead" - "I'm not sorry I met you. I'm not sorry it's over. I'm not sorry there's nothing to save."

I'm addicted to your aging face

Kevin Drew. The leader of BSS and a man of extraordinary talent. His album Spirit If... was made with many members of BSS actually it has a total of 23 contributors. This album does showcase his songwriting and him mainly on lead vocals. This album is raw and in your face. His lyrics often shocking and makes you think "his childhood must of been messed up". But what I really appreciate about Drew is that he doesn't hold back. He puts himself out there, his music is real and honest. Drew is a fan of epic music and rarely do I hear a band pull that off as well as BSS and it translates well into Spirit If...
I LOVE the last track. It reminds me of a camp song with everyone sitting in a circle singing their hearts out while one guy strums the guitar. I like the idea that they all really get along and appreciate each other's talent. Hearts, hearts.

Favorite track: "Lucky Ones"

Killing time but it won't stand still

Sigh... Jason Collett. I adore this man. With his long skinny legs and Bob Dylan-esk voice. The first time I saw him he was opening for BSS at the Starlight Room and my ears perked up. He has a layed back attitude when it comes to his music and at times when I listen to him sing he almost sounds bored. But he has a few solo albums and two that I adore, the music very catchy and his ballads poignant. I love both albums so I had a hard time choosing between the two but I am sticking to my predictable pattern and choosing the first I heard "Idols of Exile". I love his lyrics and this album got under my skin almost instantly. When watching him on stage he is usually under the influence, unless it is an 11am session at Folk Festival where he is nearly comatose, but knows how to put on a good show and is always playful with the audience. He was born to write music and sing and anyone can tell. For another excellent album that will knock your socks off check out "Here's To Being Here". I just went to his website and his new album is being released early March. I am thrilled and that probably means he will be touring again!

Favorite track: "Hangover Days" - "out the Columbia hotel window I threw my heart into the streets."

"The saddest part of a broken heart isn't the end so much as the start"

The next album on my list is by Leslie Feist, one of the former yet still dating Kevin Drew so still participates from time to time, members of BSS. Feist as you know her became famous with the release of her album "The Reminder" even though she has been on the scene for awhile now. I would like to choose - surprise, surprise - my first listen to Feist which is her album "Let It Die". This album is delightful from start to finish. It has a lovely French flair since she recorded it while living in Paris. It also has a 70s feel to it which makes me want to wear go-go boots, which I have never owned, and dance around with a disco ball. Back when I used to own cds I use to spin this in my cd player and sign along. It is an album that stays with me and I like to hum when it floats through my head.

Favorite track: "Mushaboom" - "And we'll collect the moments one by one I guess that's how the future's done"