"I am trying to say what I am wanting to say without having to say I love you"

This next post is dedicated to Stars. A delicious band that I have seen live and I am always entertained. If it isn't Amy Millan's clear, soft voice then it is the dramatics and enthusiasm of Torquill Campbell. My favorite Stars album is "Set Yourself on Fire". This album is terrific from start to finish. I have listened to it countless times and is one of my favorites for road trips. For me it is the perfect mix of fun pop music and slow ballads. Each track tells a story and makes me sing along.
I always have to mention the album "Up In Our Bedroom After the War" because it is a close second in my heart. It is equally delightful and I love what Campbell had to say about it when they were creating it he said "What is the darkest possible situation that I could turn into a beautiful pop song."
My only complaint about Stars is having to wait so long between albums.

Favorite track: "Your Ex-Lover is Dead" - "I'm not sorry I met you. I'm not sorry it's over. I'm not sorry there's nothing to save."

I'm addicted to your aging face

Kevin Drew. The leader of BSS and a man of extraordinary talent. His album Spirit If... was made with many members of BSS actually it has a total of 23 contributors. This album does showcase his songwriting and him mainly on lead vocals. This album is raw and in your face. His lyrics often shocking and makes you think "his childhood must of been messed up". But what I really appreciate about Drew is that he doesn't hold back. He puts himself out there, his music is real and honest. Drew is a fan of epic music and rarely do I hear a band pull that off as well as BSS and it translates well into Spirit If...
I LOVE the last track. It reminds me of a camp song with everyone sitting in a circle singing their hearts out while one guy strums the guitar. I like the idea that they all really get along and appreciate each other's talent. Hearts, hearts.

Favorite track: "Lucky Ones"

Killing time but it won't stand still

Sigh... Jason Collett. I adore this man. With his long skinny legs and Bob Dylan-esk voice. The first time I saw him he was opening for BSS at the Starlight Room and my ears perked up. He has a layed back attitude when it comes to his music and at times when I listen to him sing he almost sounds bored. But he has a few solo albums and two that I adore, the music very catchy and his ballads poignant. I love both albums so I had a hard time choosing between the two but I am sticking to my predictable pattern and choosing the first I heard "Idols of Exile". I love his lyrics and this album got under my skin almost instantly. When watching him on stage he is usually under the influence, unless it is an 11am session at Folk Festival where he is nearly comatose, but knows how to put on a good show and is always playful with the audience. He was born to write music and sing and anyone can tell. For another excellent album that will knock your socks off check out "Here's To Being Here". I just went to his website and his new album is being released early March. I am thrilled and that probably means he will be touring again!

Favorite track: "Hangover Days" - "out the Columbia hotel window I threw my heart into the streets."

"The saddest part of a broken heart isn't the end so much as the start"

The next album on my list is by Leslie Feist, one of the former yet still dating Kevin Drew so still participates from time to time, members of BSS. Feist as you know her became famous with the release of her album "The Reminder" even though she has been on the scene for awhile now. I would like to choose - surprise, surprise - my first listen to Feist which is her album "Let It Die". This album is delightful from start to finish. It has a lovely French flair since she recorded it while living in Paris. It also has a 70s feel to it which makes me want to wear go-go boots, which I have never owned, and dance around with a disco ball. Back when I used to own cds I use to spin this in my cd player and sign along. It is an album that stays with me and I like to hum when it floats through my head.

Favorite track: "Mushaboom" - "And we'll collect the moments one by one I guess that's how the future's done"

Broken Social Scene

So I have enjoyed blogging about music I love so I have decided to continue. Well at least for one more week. I had an idea of a theme that has gotten me excited. I was originally thinking that I would blog about Canadian artists I love but there were waaaaaaay too many to choose from. Then I realized I could do an entire week on just my favorite band and as the title suggests they are Broken Social Scene (BSS). BSS is not just one band but many all in one beautiful, glorious group. Out of BSS you have:
1. Kevin Drew who released a solo album that I will later feature
2. Brendan Canning who also did a solo album
3. Feist - awesome!
4. Metric - danceable
5. Apostle of Hustle - nice Cuban flavor
6. Stars - another of my favs
7. Amy Millan - also a member of Stars that has some delightful solo material
8. Jason Collett - adorable and he has some of his own terrific albums

Now I am sure there are even more I don't even know about.

The album I have selected to feature today is my first BSS exposure thanks to my brother Ben who also adores this band. At the time the BSS was 10 members strong and even had 5 other guest artist contribute to "You Forgot it in People". If I were to create my top 10 favorite albums, which maybe I will someday, this would be on it hands down. I have listened to it countless times and have never tired of its brillance. For such a large group their cohesion is amazing. I think it is awesome to have so many creative people, so many with song writing abilities to come together and make some this perfect and not have one person stand out more than another. They all share vocals and yes most songs are written by Drew but there is no showboating allowed is BSS. I also must say I love an indie rock band that includes lots of strings on an album, so delightful. So there you are my favorite band.

Favorite track: "Anthems For A Seventeen Year Old Girl" park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me

Saved the best for last

Okay so I am writing this post before the week is done but have decided to save it to the end. Not only does Radiohead fit perfectly into my list but they are also one of my favorite bands of all time. Each album I purchase I end up loving - even something as strange as "Kid A". It is hard to explain how or why I love them so much but it is mainly Thom Yorke. It is great when a band can have staying power like Radiohead and still produce amazing music. I never get bored of them and even their latest "In Rainbows" is brilliant.
So I debated about which album I would select for my list because there are many to choose from but I decided on "OK Computer". Unfortunately, I didn't discover Radiohead until I was in university so I missed out on "The Bends" until later so "OK Computer" was my first exposure to Radiohead and has left the most lasting impression on me. I know this sounds strange but if one day I meet a guy and I feel like I felt when I first heard Radiohead that will be a pretty good sign that he will be someone I want to get to know better. So yes music is my boyfriend - what can I say. I think The Hidden Cameras say it best in there song appropriately titled "Music is My Boyfriend" - "I found music and he found me."

"To be alone with me you went up on the tree"

I changed my mind a few times on this post. I had a few albums that I was choosing between and wasn't sure what was going to make the cut. I actually had selected a different album and started writing about it but I needed to include Sufjan Stevens on my list. Even thought his music doesn't exactly fit in with my list so much of his music does move me in the same way as the rest of the music included on this list. I adore his voice and his lyrics and how he builds his songs with such grace and ease.
The album I am selecting is "Seven Swans" because it was my first introduction to Sufjan. As you may have noticed on many occasions the first album I hear of an artist is often my favorite. If it is someone I really enjoy it becomes imprinted on me and is always a tough act to follow. I am very loyal.
I remember listening to "To Be Alone With You" and realizing that I could worship God even when the music wasn't overtly Christian. I grew up learning that there was a clear line between Christian and non-Christian music and I always felt guilty for my deep love of secular music. I listened to that song and God spoke to me and I felt love and now every time I hear it I hear God singing it to me. It is quite possible that Miranda you are the only one reading these and you are already familiar with Sufjan but the word has to get out there - he is amazing.

My next artist/album is Sigur Ros. His music is so beautiful and if you have never heard of him I am sure you have heard his music and just not realized it. His music is often in the background and has made many soundtracks. His mix of English, Icelandic and some unknown language makes an amazing landscape for the cacophony of sound. He is an acquired taste and definitely not for everyone but when you take the time to listen I am sure you would not be disappointed.
I enjoy all of his music and his latest "Med sud I eyrum vid spilum endalaust" is more upbeat than his usual and more accessible than his older albums. Iin sticking with my theme my choice for this list is "Takk" because it falls somewhere in the middle of the musical spectrum. It is a pretty album and somewhat simpler than some of his others. The tracks are a "normal" length and have a lighter quality to them.
With Sigur Ros you have to listen to love it and I love it.

It's time for mercy, pretty please

This next album is one that I know my friend Miranda will appreciate. We have been long time Jann Arden fans and she even more hardcore than myself. She has sat in front row at her concert on more than one occasion. The album I have chosen is "Time for Mercy". It is actually Jann Arden's first album and I confess has always been my favorite. She has made many more great music since and even music that is more popular and familiar to others but "Time for Mercy" is always my fall back album. Jann is always someone I will play when I want to feel sad and especially Mercy. The only track that trumps these songs for me is on her "Happy?" album "Hangin' By A Thread" - oh I have cried many a tear listening over and over to "Hangin' By a Thread." Now this was quite a few years ago and I honesty don't use Jann Arden as a tool for my sorrow but I am listening to "Time for Mercy" as I write this and I am smiling. Even though it is emensly sad it is full of hope at times and honest which anyone can appreciate.
So there you have it. An oldy but a goody.

Needle in the Hay

This post is not about one album but instead one song. It's author is Elliot Smith who's music is generally brooding and melancholy so would fall into my list very nicely but I don't know Elliot Smith enough to be able to include one of his albums in my list. But this one song I love and it kills me every time I hear it. It does have a lot to do with the fact that it accompanies the saddest scene I have every witnessed in a movie. It is in The Royal Tenenbaums just after Luke Wilson's character finds out the truth about Margot's past. He is in the bathroom and cuts his hair and shaves his face looks in the mirror and says "I am going to kill myself tomorrow." It breaks my heart but I LOVE that movie. I have seen it several times and that scene always gets me and it is largely because of the song "Needle in the Hay."
So there you are not an album but an artist who knows how to write a good tear-jerking ballad.

"You told me to be patient you told me to be kind"

So Miranda inspired me to share more music that I love. I have decided to write about one album a day for the next week. Now most of you who know me and bother to read my blog know the music I like and have probably heard all of this already but oh well. For this week I decided to choose a theme and these are all albums that fall under what I like to call the "lovely and sad" category. They each have a melancholy tone but I adore them. The second album on my list is by Bon Iver and is entitled "For Emma, Forever Ago". I still remember driving in my friend's car and she had it playing. There were a few of us in the vehicle and we were chatting during the trip but this album caught my ear as we drifted in and out of conversation. I found the disc at the Edmonton Public Library and instantly I knew the album would be one I would enjoy and by the third track I was in love. It has quickly become one of the albums that I often play over and over. When I am trying to decide what to listen on my iPod on more than one occasion I don't scroll past the B's.
This album was written like Hospice during a period of isolation. Justin Vernon went away to a cabin in the woods during winter to write and record the songs. As I listen I often imagine the cabin and wrap a blanket around me and sit back and enjoy.
So give it a spin if you haven't already. The EP Blood Bank is also good.

Sorrow and beauty

I have been in love with the album Hospice by The Antlers these days. It is a very sorrowful album full of angst and describes a man who meets and falls in love with a woman in the hospital who is dying of cancer. I listen to it and it is so haunting and my eyes will often well up with tears. I love music.
It is the weekend and I plan to be lazy. I finished my first knitting project, it was a very satisfying feeling, and I have begun another. I should say goodnight I was just listening to Hospice for about the millionth time and was overcome yet again and felt like blogging about it.

The year is new

I am learning how to knit. Yes I know totally cliche. But this time I am determined. It is my third attempt but this time I am investing time and persistence and I stated an actual project instead of the many rhombuses that have been created out of my lack of skill. I have had fun being crafty lately. I have always stated that I am not crafty and I am sticking to my guns because it does not come naturally to me. But I do enjoy a creative outlet and I am thankful that I am okay with not being perfect at it.

So it is 2010 but I do not make resolutions because of the disappointment that inevitable follows. So instead I will say that I aspire to be less complacent - this translates to different aspects of my life which I will not get into.

My week in review:
Highlight: Appliance shopping with Sarah. We bought 2 appliance within 7 minutes at Home Depot and celebrated our skill with a high-5.
Low light: My favorite client died over the holidays and I am devastated. I will miss him and hope I get to see him in heaven some day.

Happy New Year to you.

The photo on the left is my most recent craft project and the one on the right is proof that I am learning to knit.

I know that I grew up here so I should really be tired of the snow but today was beautiful. Everything was white and the temperature was mild - it was magical. I love days like today and I take delight in a white Christmas. I love this season and I cannot wait until I get to go to my parent's house and I get to be taken care of for 5 days, be with family, eat too much and open a new pair of pajamas on Christmas eve.
We had a Christmas party for our clients this past Thursday and it was a riot. I brought the came Guesstures and it was FUNNY. It was great watching everyone play charades and to just hangout. I love my job for stuff like that. I asked everyone to share what the best Christmas gift they ever got was and it was great because everyone had an answer. They all shared about something they were given when they were a kid and then we gave away some pretty wacky handmade slippers and I almost had eggnog come out of my nose. So all and all a pretty good time.
This weekend I get to be lazy and that makes me happy. I got to sew and bake - two of my favorite things and I am about to go to bed another favorite. Happy Saturday everyone and Merry Christmas.

Life is precious

I was reminded on Saturday of life's delicate balance. I received two phone calls in the morning about 15 minutes apart. The first was informing me that one of my clients had died the night before. He had lived a hard life but still his death was sudden and unexpected. I was shocked and thought to myself "what could I have done?" but the soft voice in my head spoke to me saying "you could not have changed anything." Shortly following that call I received another from a good friend of mine informing me that she had had her baby. I was thrilled and so excited for her but my heart did not know what to feel. There I stood suspended between sorrow and celebration and somehow I felt both at the same time. It is amazing how complex we are as humans. In that moment God felt very close to me. We are breath - the bible tells us our lives are like dust. Even though I could not help but feel insignificant in that moment, knowing He was present I felt valued. He is infinite and He knows me.

The war is over

Well something must have worked because today it was just as if nothing had happened. They are ignoring each other - no more fights. Peace. I got hugs today from both of them. This is why I do what I do.

Play nice

I have a job that I love. Sometimes it drives me crazy but for the most part I am happy to be there and think I am good at what I do. Today was one of those days when I shake my head and say to myself "I can't believe this is what I do." I have two clients right now who are having trouble cohabiting. One is very paranoid and is convinced the other is stealing from him. The accused has a quick temper and is threatening to punch the accuser out. My day mainly consisted of listening to them fight, separating them, listening to each of them complain about the other, restating rules and establishing boundaries, negotiating compromise, consoling as many tears were shed, counselling sessions when one of them claimed he was triggered to start "using" again...sigh. I know all you parents out there are probably use to these shenanigans but I tell you it is hard work being the mediator - why can't they just play nice? So I am hoping when I arrive at work tomorrow morning they will both still be in one piece and I will not have to deal with any more drama. Honestly, I never thought this was were I would end up - would I change it? No.

I went to Peru a month and a half ago. It was an incredible trip yet oddly enough it seems so far away and so long ago. Peru is another world and one so different from the world I live in. Everything there seems so backwards to home. In Canada we have so many rules, we move really fast and we have everything we need and could ever want.
I had never thought about going to Peru before and it was not one of those places I knew I wanted to visit. One night I woke up after an intense dream and in my half wake and half sleep state God took the opportunity to speak to my heart and tell me "I'm inviting you to Peru." So 6 months later I was on a boat in the amazon providing medical care to people who have no access to health care. It was truly incredible. The children were beautiful and the people were strong and lived simple lives with absolutely nothing but for the most part seemed pretty happy. It was not an easy trip but I was so thankful that I was obedient. I think of all the missed opportunities that God has presented to me. I encourage you to always keep you heart and ears open. It may turn out to be a trip of a lifetime.

Hello Again

Well hi there blog I am sorry I forgot you existed. I know you think I had given up on you but I am still here. I haven't been reading blogs lately except for cake wrecks of course.
Life is good. I have lived in my new home for one year and loving it. It is so nice living near work, having a yard and friends all around. Last weekend was our 7th Annual Airband Party and it was great getting to host it in our house. We have a huge living room that makes for a great dance floor. I did air guitar yet again and honestly I don't know what comes over me when I air guitar. I am never quite sure what I am going to do but it happens, I feel a little sheepish after, the next day have a sore neck but I love it. It is fun to pretend to be someone else for a little while. I do have a performer inside of me that occasional enjoys being the center of attention. I value people thinking I am funny. I was having a conversation today with a couple of friends and was remembering how a crush I had on someone ended when I realized that he didn't think I was funny.
I am turning 30 tomorrow. I am not thrilled to be leaving my 20s but I have had time to adjust and I have decided to embrace it. I am happy with the place I am at in my life. Thrilled to be past many of my insecurities and now comfortable in my own skin. My life looks a little different then I had imagined when I was younger but I am so grateful that God knew me better than I knew myself. I wouldn't trade where I am at right now for anything. It is a good place to be.
So there it is. Not sure if anyone out there still checks my blog. Don't worry I won't be offended if you don't. Goodnight.

Full time blues

So I went on vacation recently and it was great. I haven't gone away - besides Vermilion or Sexsmith - for a couple of years and I was excited to have a break. My sister and I went to the west coast and it was awesome. I love Vancouver island - if I were to live anywhere else it would be there.
I got back on Tuesday and Wednesday morning I was back at work. I worked three days and then took Monday off. I miss working part-time so much. I really do enjoy my job and I don't regret taking full-time but I don't know why we need to work full-time. Many people do like it and it is almost seen as shameful if you don't work full-time. When I used to work part-time I would get a lot of raised eyebrows and I remember my uncle asking me once why I did that and asked if I was having a hard time finding work. No uncle I just prefer it. I was part time for a year and a half and I loved it - I eventually got over worrying about what other people thought of me and I embraced my life, my freedom, my ability to do things of my choosing. It was great and I think that if I am in the place in my life again where I have the opportunity to work less I will definatly take it.
So I respect all of you who are able to manage full-time jobs and families and everything that life might throw at you. I don't know how you do it but my hat is off to you.

Things I Love

Okay focusing on the good. Here are things that I love.

10. Fridays
9. Chocolate
8. Sunshine
7. When my clients make good choices
6. The Office
5. Living in community
4. The cute faces my niece makes and everything else about her
3. My peeps
2. My family
1. J.C.

Spring is here early

It is beautiful outside. The sun is shining and I am back wearing my spring jacket. How I wish that winter could be over already. I try not to complain too much about winter because I find the summer heat unbearable and I save up my whining for then. But this weather I love - this I can handle. I know I am blogging about the weather and that is boring but I just had to mention how awesome it is.
Come to an open house this Saturday at our new digs! Open house 2-6pm, dance party 8pm. I sure hope I can get my place organized before then.

Long time no see

Okay so it has been two months since my last post - I told you I wasn't very good at this right? I feel like I am getting my life back. For a few months I was feeling out of control. I was stressed, probably unnecessarily so, but I tell you buying a house is stressful. Moving is stressful. So now I am in my new home and really enjoying it. We have had our share of problems since move in day but I am trying not to let if phase me. I really didn't like my life for those few months ever since the day I hit that deer and I don't want to let myself become consumed like that.

So please forgive me friends if I have ignored you as of late. I have missed you all along with my sanity. Sorry God once again for not seeking you in the times when I know I need you most. I have been returning to the things I like lately - friends, God, books, sewing, watching tv with my sister - it is great because it is like when their is this food you really like, you know the dish you get at a restaurant that you loved, then you go back and order it again one day and it is even better than you remember. This sense of relief feels pretty great too. My condo still is on the market and each day seems grimmer in that department but honestly not even that is killing my buzz right now. I am full, I am satisfied, I missed my life.

Coming around

Okay, so once again it has been awhile since I have posted. Life remains busy and somewhat crazy. But slowly things seem to be looking up. I got my car back, finally. It is almost as good as new. For the big news my friends and I got the house we wanted. It was a loooong, frustrating and time consuming process but hopefully worth it. We get possession Nov 28 which is less than a month away - CRAZY! So now all I need is to sell my condo and then I feel I can finally relax. My life has been in upheaval for a couple of months and I am really looking forward to normalcy so....want to buy a condo?!?
I got to go to an airband party this past Friday and it was awesome. I am always a little embarrassed after an airband party. I LOVE to dance and airband. Something takes over and I can't explain it. It is freedom but after I always feel a little sheepish - like the picture which is now my profile pic on facebook - is that really me? Am I really almost 29?

Waiting...

Today I am learning a lesson is patience. My stomach is in a bundle of knots and all I can do is sit back and wait. Today is the last day that my condo is pending, I am waiting to here if the buyer's financing has gone through and if my place is sold.
Also, I am waiting for my building manager to call. On Sunday my toilet overflowed not once, not twice but 4 times. The laundry was backing up into my toilet and my sister and I spent our day scooping water off of our bathroom floor, the plumber didn't come until Monday afternoon. So now my toilet works but I have a ruined carpet, ruined bathroom floor and 2 feet of water damage in my bathroom and bedroom. So I am waiting - waiting to see how much this will cost me, waiting to see when and if it can be done by the condo.
Life lately has been pretty hectic for me. Every day seems to be a new challenge and still don't have my car back after 5 weeks. Okay God if you are testing me is it done yet? When can I breathe again? I really need a vacation - a vacation from life. Things really aren't that bad - God is good and I have peace with most things I just not sure how much of this uncertainty and stress I can take.

Progress

It is all really happening. The community that we have been planning and praying about for so long has taken a big step forward. We found a house - we put in an offer - it was accepted! Wow. If all goes as planned we get possession in January.
All this is very exciting and I can't wait but life lately has been insane. I can't wait for things to slow down. I am overwhelmed pretty much all the time these days. Decisions, tasks, and responsibilities have been bogging me down.
Tomorrow I say good bye to my cat. It is only temporary and I will still get to see him often - thanks to my awesome friend James. This has been stressing me out the most. Now my cat has a bit of a reputation and most people probably figure I could do with a break away from him even my own mother said to me "maybe your friend will really like him and you can be free." WHAT! Did you just say that? Yes, he can be a tyrant. Yes he claws my furniture but I love him - I will miss him.
So if you want to buy a 2 bedroom condo let me know - I want it to sell FAST - not sure if that is realistic. Buying, selling, moving...get me off this crazy train.

Shine off the new car.

So I think God is trying to keep me humble and making sure that I don't take pride in my possessions. On my car's 3 week birthday, yesterday, I hit a deer. So the dent under my door is the least of my problems especially since I can't even open my driver side door anymore.
Yesterday I was pretty depressed. After getting home didn't leave my house just watched TV and felt sorry for myself. But today I am trying to have a new perspective.
I realize that it could have been a lot worse. At least it didn't come through my windshield and I could still drive my car after it happened and my two passengers and myself are still alive.
It's only a car - I have to remember that. More important things exist in my life. I got to see my niece this weekend and she is amazing. That made the trip worth it. I am thankful today.

Visit to Shell from Hell

Well today I had my absolute worst ever visit to a gas station. All of it was my fault - no offense to Shell but it sucked.
It started off by me having to turn a sharp corner to get to one of the pumps and when I did that the bottom of my brand new car got caught on the concrete meridian. I heard a terrible grinding sound and when I got out to check there was a large dent/gash on the bottom of the side of my car extending the entire length of my driver side door. Then I went to pump my gas, I was a little frazzled at this point and forgot to put in my visa like I normal do because I love paying at the pump. So I got my gas and as I always did with my old car would squeeze it past the time when the nozzle would stop itself and off course gas comes spilling out at my feet. Note to self new car not like old car. So I got back into my beaten up car, cursing up a storm, and started to drive away. All of a sudden, as I am sitting waiting to turn, there is the attendant from the gas station "You didn't pay." I was soooo embarrassed. I had grabbed my receipt which I always do at the end of my pay at the pump transaction but of course it was the receipt from the car before me. Thankfully, the man that worked there was very nice and understood that I wasn't trying to steal his lovely overpriced fuel but I still felt pretty crummy.
I was so glad to have my good friend Angie with me because if I hadn't I probably would have lost it. So now I guess I have to take my two week old car to the body shop. But other than those 7 stinking minutes my day was pretty good.

New Car

Well I bought a new car today. I have been thinking about it, reading about it a lot lately and finally decided to go for it. I told myself "I will not buy a brand new car." But I did end up buying brand new after all. YIKES, I really didn't want to but in the end I knew it was the right decision.
My good friend Angie already owns a Yaris and loves it so I am excited that our Yari can be good friends too! I also did a little name dropping while I was at the dealership and apparently they will be contacting her regarding a little bonus she will be receiving - exciting.
So I bought a Toyota, sorry Grandpa I hope I can still be a part of the family (he owns a Ford dealership).

Cooling my jets

Well I look a little like a tomato today. Even though I applied sunblock it wasn't enough to protect me against 7 hours in the sun. We went to Heritage Days yesterday and it was a lot of fun. I love Edmonton in the summer - I love how multi-cultural God made this world. This is my sister Hailey's first summer in the city so we are trying to go to everything that we can. It has been fun re-experiencing Edmonton summers with her. This weekend we also went to the zoo and we got to see the red pandas which have got to be the cutest animals on the planet.
FYI: I am realizing that I need to cool my jets a little. I often get really excited about new crushes and talk about them way too much so sorry but I am not going to be blogging about it anymore.

Some more music I like. www.myspace.com/royalwood

Continuance...

It took me a while to become confident in who I am and believing that I am girl with a lot to offer so I am just happy to be where I am at. We all just need time to feel comfortable in our own skin. I still have my off days but I can honestly say that most days I like who God has made me to be - who He is making me to be. I hope that for each of you.

This is for you Miranda. Music I am currently listening to www.myspace.com/beruit
and also www.myspace.com/shearwater

Well I survived my 10 year high school reunion. It was pretty low key, got to see some old friends and got to sit at the singles table which had some nice people. I was glad I went.
Today I am back at work dragging my ass a bit but not minding that I am here. I discovered a blister last night on the inside of my lip. It is crazy - I don't know how I got it. I don't remember burning my mouth or anything. If you are lucky I might post a picture of it later.
No news on the crush front. Probably seeing him tomorrow. I will do my best to flirt - not sure how one does that but I hear hair flipping is beneficial. Wish me luck.

Dating game

I would say that I am mature in most things. I have a mortgage that I pay on time, I have bills that come in my name, I am attending my 10 year high school reunion this weekend,I am "the boss" at my work and I have even started dying my hair to cover up my grey (the truth is out). But there is one area I am lacking in and that would be the whole dating game. How does it work? I have no clue. Is it even a game - I sure hope not I never have been very good at games.
So hypothetically let's say that I have a crush on a boy. Okay now in that situation what happens next? Let's say I am already friends with this person and we get along well. I mean how does an inexperienced person like myself know when to make the next "move". I know the lingo and I understand what needs to happen but really this is not the kind of thing that my 4 years of university education prepared me for. I guess when it come to crushes we haven't moved much past grade school am I right? Step one talk to him step two invite him to be your friend on Facebook step three ??????
I guess it is never too late to get your dating education. Oh and did I mention before this is all hypothetical?

Growing Up

I know that I am an almost 29 year old independent woman but I can still surprise myself when I make grown-up decisions. For example, I recently decided that I want to purchase a new vehicle. This will be the first time that I will choose my own car and I will tell you their are A LOT of cars to choose from. I of course am most concerned about saving our planet and fuel efficiency so that has been my search criteria, unfortunately my budget does not allow for a hybrid car.
The other day I opened my first RRSP as the man asked me question after question regarding this new account I realized I know absolutely nothing about investing. So I am now officially saving for my retirement. Quite the step for an in the moment day to day kind of girl.
Lastly, was my previously mentioned decision to go full-time. I get called "the boss" now. It always makes me laugh nervously when I hear that and say "I prefer team leader."

New music that I am currently enjoying. Check out www.myspace.com/theacorn

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGIE

Today is my good friend Angie's birthday. She is now the same age as me. We are getting a little older much to our chagrin but we still know how to have fun. We had a great party for her on Friday evening. Didn't she make herself an amazing cake?! Happy Birthday friend!

Purge

Got rid of some sh*t yesterday. It felt good to let go of stuff that wasn't necessary to my life. I would call myself a collector or hoarder I am just lazy. Oh so lazy. It takes me a while to address clutter and organize. I am okay with organizing my life and mind but my stuff, my home - not a chance.
I want to be better at being attached to things that aren't important. I know that I over consume and I care about the wrong stuff and our society perpetuates no encourages it. But that doesn't make it right. I am hoping that when I live in community some day (soon) that will help me live simply.

Moving on

So my friends and I have been talking about creating a co-op which seems like since the beginning of time. Up to this point it has been talk and a couple of meetings with a consultant. Now things are changing. We met last night and decided to head in a different direction. We are still going to purchase common property together but not form a co-op so we are springing into action. Get a preapproved mortgage, selling my place and looking for something new. Wow, my head is spinning. I sure hope my sister and I don't end up homeless in between selling and buying. I know that this is the right decision but I must admit I am nervous but I have peace so that is what matters.

Couldn't resist posting this picture of my niece. She is adorable and I get to see her again tomorrow. I think she looks a lot like her mom.

Reno Monday

I just finished getting the drywall dust out of my nose. I think I might have got some in my mouth too. Today I finally started working on my bathroom. The paint has been peeling off the ceiling since the day I moved in and that was a little over 4 years ago. Takes me a little while to get motivated. In fact it took me about 3 years to hang some photos in my living room. I am the type of person who is fine with the ways things are and is content to live with it. That attitude has both good and bad consequences. Good: I don't get stressed out about what I am going to do with a certain room and what looks good where Bad: I live with a peeling ceiling and blank walls for years. All of this work for one small little ceiling - peel paint, sand paint, putty holes in peeling ceiling, go to Rona on the busiest holiday of the year, sand down dried putty on ceiling, blow drywall out of nose, prime, paint. All of this and like Angie pointed out new owners come in and redo it all anyway. Now if only I could take a shower to get all of this dust off of me oh right I can't - I'm renoing my bathroom.

Be still my beating heart....

Today I watched Jane Eyre. It was my third viewing of this delightful miniseries. This genre of film - Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility - is always a little dangerous for me. I LOVE them but a little too much. They are easy to immerse myself into and never want to come out. Plus they idealize love and the need for romantic love as the ultimate prize. But they are so delightful and always leave me wanting more. Today was a bit better because I was surrounded by several distractions so Mr. Rochester's declaration to Jane didn't make my heart swell and threaten to explode in my chest like usual. But I am still thinking of it and now I just want to watch more....mmmmmm what haven't I watch in a while? When are those pesky holds going to come in at the library?
I have considered quiting watching such films but I love them too much to give them up. Hopelessly devoted.

The picture is of my personal favorite Pride and Prejudice.

Yes, I know I never post. I realized that I enjoy other peoples blogs but don't really enjoy my own. I mean I enjoy the idea of a blog but never feel witty enough or know how to make things sound interesting.
Things are good. Spring is here, my friends are great, Jesus loves me. I am content.
So as most of you know I have decided to go full time at my job. I have been somewhat dreading it but also know that it is the right decision. My job is stressful and I enjoy free time. But I think I could be good at being in charge of the clinic - I say that with trepidation because I know that I can't do it on my own strength. I will need the support of my co-workers, my community and most of all I need God. He has promised to help me and I believe that this is what He wants for me for now. Currently I am in limbo and frankly, loving it. I am just waiting for them to hire someone before I transition into my new role and I am in no hurry. I am also being really selfish with my free time - refusing shifts at work which in turn makes me poor but I really don't care. I have the rest of my life to work.
So that is my summary I will try to post in less then three months next time. Now enough about me how are you?

Jovi

My heart has been won by a 8lb little girl. It is so crazy how fast you can fall in love with someone. My sister had a baby last week and our family has been turned upside down in no time flat. My mother, my younger sister and myself were all visiting this weekend and anytime Jovi had any need she had 5 eager adults ready to do her bidding. I could probably count on my fingers the number of minutes she wasn't being held. I can't imagine what it is like to have your own child. God sure knew what he was doing when he designed babies - I guess he needed to make them amazing so we would be willing to give up all that sleep and clean up all that poop.

Good week bad week

At our small group we do this thing some times where we go around the room and state if we had a good week or a bad week and why. A fairly basic exercise but a good way to be honest with each other and to let everyone in on how you are doing. I figured I would do that for my post this time including one good week and one bad week.
I had a really bad week about two weeks ago. It was instigated by work and heightened by my lack of awareness and my neglect to include God in my day to day. The responsibilities of my job have been weighing on me and the need to make decisions about peoples lives and essentially denying people housing when I know that we can't be the ones to do it. I cried for the first time at work and I really cried. I was so embarrassed and felt like a little kid as I was being consoled. The entire week I felt vulnerable and I remember asking my co-worker if their was something wrong with me because I thought I was losing it. I was anxious all the time and when I went home at night did everything I could not to think about work hence the not talking to God part. It finally took me breaking down at small group to wake me up - I was carrying burdens that weren't mine and not trusting God with the people and situations he puts in front of me. He reminded me that he is a BIG God that is powerful in my weakness. A lesson I have learned before but needed reminding.
So THIS week was a good week. Work hasn't changed much but my perspective has. I decided to choose joy and was more free to enjoy the people I work with. Most importantly I allowed myself to rely on my awesome friends and a God that loves me. Okay, just read over the post slightly sappy and perhaps more information than I am used too but it's honest so I won't delete it.

Polite spit

I met the nicest spitter the other day. I really can't stand it when people spit on the sidewalk. You know what I am talking about - the sun is shining, birds chirping, you have a little skip in your step...and then you hear that sound and it makes you want to throw up.
But not this guy. I was walking into work and sad that my holidays were over and another Christmas gone. When he saw me coming around the corner he turned his head and spit behind him so I wouldn't see it. Then he turned to me and said "sorry about that." I honestly didn't know what to say. I was stunned so I just kept walking. No one has ever apologized to me for spitting. So it is true people who spit do realize that it is disgusting for other people to witness.
So sir I know you don't read my blog but thanks for making my day.

I'm pouting - you have a problem with that?

It is Monday morning and I am in a bad mood. I was extra tired when I dragged my ass out of bed today, got ready in an uneventful way and then left to scrape the frost off of my car. Winter has arrived - my favorite season is over.
I walked into our clinic today and it looked as though a tornado had swept through it. Files everywhere and little pieces of paper with scribbled indistinct notes written on them. Checked the voicemail "you have 25 messages" What the hell?!
So I spent the morning cleaning up after what must have been a terrible week. Michelle is not here today - I think I might cry.
Needless to say I am having trouble recieving the joy of the Lord today. Oh it could be worse I know this. I just want to go back to bed.

Ammendment

"Nothing gold can stay" is actually a poem by Robert Frost but Pony Boy (The Outsiders) did say it.

Blogging at work again

So what should one's response be when they are told "your eyes match the shirt you are wearing exactly" Do you say "astout observation" or perhaps "oh you noticed, I just got these eyes yesterday" or simply "thank-you". The latter was my answer. I was surprised by this statement especially coming from someone I don't really know.
I guess I just forget sometimes that people can see me - not that I think I am invisible just to realize I am noticeable is somewhat paculiar. Am I making any sense?
Okay, so I complained yesterday that it was dark when I left for work but this morning I woke up to a sky full of clouds with a pink hue lighting them up. It was pretty - yes sometimes I think the color pink is pretty. I thanked God for this brillance and felt a little cheerier as I drove my 30 minutes to work. I have been missing my mornings full of sun and beautiful fall colors but as Pony Boy would say "Nothing gold can stay."

My phones on vibrate

I know, I know - I am a terrible blogger. I honestly don't have anything good to say. My favorite season is swiftly drawing to a close. All of the leaves are off of the trees but the air still feels crisp and no snow on the ground - yet.
My good friend got married last weekend. It was an awesome wedding and I was so happy for them. To be honest I wasn't really looking forward to being a bridesmaid - you know the dress, the walking down the aisle, the posing for pictures but it turned out to be pretty painless. Thanks Esther and Joel!
I am listening to Rufus Wainwright I think he is hilarious "my phone's on vibrate for you and I hardly ever feel from you." That is funny. I have never had my phone on vibrate for someone I really dig. Not many people call my cell and if they do you can usually find me searching frantically through my purse trying to answer it before the voicemail kicks in. I am a terrible phone person. I don't usually enjoy phone conversations and I rarely call my mother - she likes to remind me of that.
What I do like is email. I check mine multiple times a day. More often than not I don't have a new message but I can't resist checking - it's a bit of an obsession I admit. That is a form of communication I can get behind. It's efficient, convenient and I love opening an email from someone I dig.
So no offense Rufus but my phone is not on vibrate for you but I will probably be checking my email immediately after I post this blog.

Celebrity showboating makes me puke

Okay so a "celebrity" who shall remain nameless was at my place of work today serving lunch. She was coming for 15 minutes and we had to get all of my clients to sign a release form in case they had their picture taken. She arrived and my coworker begged me to go and see her so she dragged me all the way to the kitchen. But when I got there I bolted - I just couldn't do it. It was repulsive to me that she had come to stroke her own ego and get a good photo op. "Oh look folks at this wonderful girl that your children look up to. Isn't she devine she dishes up food for the homeless" YUCK!

God bless Jess!

Shakespeare was awesome - as predicted. I am going again to see The Winter's Tale next Tuesday. So I made my first set of curtains yesterday. They turned out okay accept that I made a mess of my wall when I tried to hang them up. I try my best to be independent but it doesn't always work out for me. Sigh.
It is funny, I have lived in my place for over three years and now at last I am "nesting". I bought some seat cushions for my kitchen chairs, hung some photos in my living room, made curtains and purchased a love seat. Go figure - some times it takes a little to get this lazy, procrastinating girl motivated.
I have had a few days off this week and loving it. The simple things I really do enjoy - going to stores in the middle of the day to avoid the crowds. So simple brings me such joy.
If you read this blog pray for Jess she left for Guatemala today for three weeks. She is going to help out at Libre Infancia, a daycare that takes care of kids who families live at the dump. Crazy that we live in a world where people have to survive by looking through a pile of garbage. God bless Jess and all of those kids!

Too hot

Yikes it is too hot outside. It is only June and my uncomfortable summer has just begun. I know I shouldn't complain - I know summer doesn't last for long. But all of you sun lovers go ahead enjoy but I would rather recoil into dark air conditioned corners. Just so all of my friends know I will be in hibernation for the next few months - see you in the fall.
Oh I will come out only for Shakespeare in the Park my absolute favorite thing to do every year. Check it out - you won't regret it

Nothing new

I know, I know I haven't blogged in a long time. Really I have nothing new to say. Life is busy - I feel like I work all the time and even when I am not there I can't really escape it. I still enjoy it - there is always more to do.
I get to go see Spoon and Chad Vangaalen this weekend in Calgary and I am very excited about that. I am going to a few too many shows these days but oh well. Yes I did spend $72 so that I can go see Justin Timberlake in August.

Blogging whilst sitting on my couching

I just rewatched the most delightful movie - Stranger Than Fiction. I really do love that film. So many things about it make me happy. I love watching Harold Crick transform into the man he longs to be and really enjoy watching two very unlikely people fall in love.
Now I am home and it is 12:46am on a Sunday night and I do not have to work tomorrow. The cherry on the top of my Sunday (sundae) is that I stole the laptop from work and I am writing this entry while reclining on my couch. I really do love the simple things in life - like the 4 chocolate macaroons I ate earlier this evening. I really want another one but I won't.
Angie and I are thinking on going to Montreal beginning of September. Are we crazy to think that we might drive? I don't know. I guess could do crazier things - like go there on a motorcycle. Now that would be crazy!

Pam + Jim = True Love Forever

Oh internet...how you seduce our generation

So I finally joined facebook. I figured the time had come. Now I see why many employers have banned it from the workplace. Searching for people can be endless. You find one person who then leads you to someone else and then another. My eyes are dry from staring at my computer screen. Wow, its the long weekend and this is how I am spending my time. I am a nerd but I am okay with that.
Looking forward to a quiet weekend at home. I am actually happy that it is raining.

Never a dull moment

Work was crazy today. So many things going on. People coming and going. Phone ringing off the hook. I am glad that it is over but it was actually a pretty good day.
I went to Kelowna this past weekend and it was really great. Went on a retreat and didn't know what to expect but turned out to be a refreshing weekend with some awesome people. Did have one bad evening when I plugged a strangers toilet and then proceded to break one of their chairs in a span of probably 10 minutes but it turned out okay. They were a very nice couple that made me feel better about it.
God reminded me this weekend of how blessed and loved I am. He put some challenges in front of me as well but I feel gave me the courage to face them too. So cheers to another lesson learned. Oh and lesson number two for me - don't sit on plastic furniture.

Good bye sun and hello rain.

Beautiful day

Oh the sun is shining today! Didn't wear my jacket. Please stay sun stay.

10 years - seriously? seriously!

Why is everyone all of a suddenly talking about a 10 year high school reunion?! I just read Angie's blog and that was what it was all about. And only moments ago I finished watching Grosse Pointe Blank - the story of a man who goes home to his 10 year high school reunion. Is everyone trying to freak me out. Ten years!!! You have got to be kidding me. I mean I am not unhappy with my life - I don't really have any regrets but ten years - yes I have a look of horror on my face at this very moment.
I am already thinking of who I can possibly bring as my date to shelter me from the pain. Oh high school wasn't all that bad and to be honest I can't really remember it (not cause I was drunk or high or anything) it just happended and then it was over. But is this how life is? Years mixed into a melting pot that drift away like vapors - seriously? seriously!

Okay I added a pic of John Cusack because I really dig him and he was the lead in Grosse Pointe Blank

To compete or not to compete

Just finished playing Settlers of Catan with my siblings. It often takes some twisting of my arm to agree to play. The last time I did I got so frustrated that I quit. It is amazing to watch people change when they compete with one another. I personally get pouty and frustrated if I am losing but don't have the drive to compete or manipulate my opponents. Where as my brother gets loud and works on strategy and will do anything to win. In the end he won - again. He really does play the best game but for me to have a good time I have to play with other people who don't like competing and who are nice to one another and give advice and can relax and enjoy it. In my world I would have everyone win in the end - unless of course I won. Funny how God did make us so different.
I love you Ben I just don't like playing games with you!

Easter break

Back in my home town this weekend, hanging out with the folks and the rest of my family. Life is a little slower here in Vermilion - not that my Edmonton life is on the fast track or anything. It's simpliar and I am the daughter again. Must say I am slightly bored - I actually watched the movie "13 Going on 30" (YIKES!).
I should go enjoy the folks, they are pretty awesome.
Happy Easter everyone. Thanks for the cross, Jesus.

Coming Home

Well I am now in Victoria and enjoying the last day of my vacation - my plane leaves her at 7:30 this evening. I just got back from brunch with my cousin Ashlee and her boyfriend Kyle. We ate at The Blue Fox which I have fond memories of from my last visit and it did not let me down.
I have had a wonderful time on my trip the coast but looking forward to going home - sadly I need to start making money again, nothing left to spend.

Things I will miss in no particular order:
the ocean
the Reis family - I got to see all of them this trip!
My darling friend Nicole, her husband Jordan and their beautiful baby girl Elisabeth
green, green everywhere
people treating me to meals! (thanks Sandra & Tiberio, Nicole & Jordan, Drew & Amber, and Kyle & Ashlee)
not working
discovery

CONGRATS JOEL AND ESTHER ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT!!!!

Chillin' In Vancouver

I am in Vancouver now visited my good friend Nicole. I really love Vancouver - its so green here and the air has that ocean smell to it. I got to meet Elisabeth and she is so awesome. Babies are amazing. She makes all of these funny noises and is so small I can hardly believe it. I wish I could post a photo but I can't plug my camera into this computer.
It is pretty crazy how fast you can love a new baby. It is great to watch my friends be parents. I really love the coast I could see myself living here someday.

On Vacation

It is Friday morning and I just got out of a hot tub that was outside and the rain was falling down ever so gently. I am on vacation and have no qualms about rubbing it in your faces. I love Vancouver island. I look out my aunt and uncle's window and I see both mountains and ocean - it doesn't get much better than that. I was a little unsure about going on this vacation by myself knowing that there be days when I would be totally by myself but it has been really great. I love that feeling of adventure even if it just driving around in a old truck through the streets of a town I sort of know. I suppose I have always been somewhat unsure of my independence but it really is freeing to know that I handle it well - and I enjoy even more than I thought I did.
My heart has been going through some renovations lately. My good friend tells me about a time when God taught her how to transition from loneliness to solitude. For me solitude has come fairly easily but there is some rooted loneliness attach to the idea of what I always believed my future would be. God is tugging at that root...
Check out my ride on the right

i'm not lost just undiscovered

Babies, babies everywhere

Okay so I am apparently at the age where all my friends are having babies. I have been to two baby showers in the last month and next week I am leaving to Vancouver to meet my friends newborn. Plus while at the last shower I saw my friend who is now 8 months pregnant. Babies are great - I love babies, but at the same time I get that longing inside of me. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. For as long as I can remember I have had that "mothering instinct" I do it with all my friends and that is why I became a nurse and work with some grown men who are the biggest babies sometimes. Sigh, I am really happy for my friends but pouty at the same time.
Well I should go I have a baby quilt to finish. For now I will be "aunty" Heidi and that is probably just as good.

Happy Valentine's Day

Well just celebrated my 27th Valentine's Day as a single person. But I really wasn't bitter about it. I got to be with someone I love - my good friend Esther who I am sure is better than a boyfriend. Plus when I woke up in the morning the sky was bright pink and as corny as it may sound I took it as my Valentine's Day gift from Jesus.
So know I am at work and it is beautiful outside and a calm day at the clinic. Haven't had a day like this in quite sometime - I think the weather has a lot to do with it.
Oh and the day only gets better - The Office is on tonight. Sure it may be a little sad that a TV show brings me such joy and satisfaction but it is so funny I can't help myself.

Goodbye Fred

My week of sloth and hanging out with my friends has come to an end. I am pouting. I love my life as a part-time worker.
So I went to the first funeral for one of my clients yesterday. It was simple and probably only 30 people. I sat there thinking about Fred and the life he had led and how because of his addiction to coccaine he died of HIV and liver failure before the age of 50. It was sad and seeing his son and brother and niece made it even worse. But I was thankful that Fred wasn't suffering and I had a hope inside of me. I felt it serging, keeping me afloat as I sat in the pew. I knew Fred had some kind of faith - he spoke of a creator. And even though I didn't know if he had a personal relationship with Jesus I do know that my God is just and loving and I trust Him fully with Fred. I really don't want to go to another client's funeral but considering the line of work I am in it is probably pretty likely.
So Jesus please have mercy for Fred - sorry I didn't do more.

Days almost done

Today has been a good day at work. Not too stressful or anything - but I am tired. Worried I might be coming down with something I have really been needing more sleep lately and my body aches. Just 20 more minutes and I get to go home. Going to bed early tonight - oh what a gripping life I do lead! Sorry this post is so dull.

GRRRRR...

Went to Mr. Lube today to get a long overdue oil change. Finally after waiting in line for 45 minutes they tell me that they don't recommend that they service my car because I have some "serious" leaks in my oil pan and I should have a mechanic look at it. GRRRRRR... I hate cars - I have had so many problems with mine lately.
My fingernail on my index finger got caught on something and tore off on the edge of my nail...oh that stings.
stupid finernail
stupid smart ass teenager calling me ma'am and telling me he can't change my oil!

Day improving

Okay day getting better. Works hasn't been too crazy - as you can tell I have had the chance to post twice. PLUS I got to go out to lunch with my friends! Burnt my tongue on some broccoli but that is minor. I want to have a nap.

Just Another Manic Monday

I am at work wishing that I wasn't. I got in today and my coworker starts telling me how bad it was here last week and how busy it has been lately, sigh. So now I am hiding out in the back enjoying the calm before the storm and thinking about all the sleep I DIDN'T get last night. I am grouchy when I don't sleep.
Isn't the day over yet! I am whimpering - oh I am pathetic.

Waited for so long

FINALLY - my computer is working once again. I have been without a computer and the internet since boxing day. I got home from the holidays and my computer wouldn't turn on. It is amazing how dependent you can become on a machine, especially when it also acts as your stereo.
So I had a great Christmas and a low key but fun New Year. It is funny but it already feels like a long time ago since I have been working a lot since. It is nice to be back in a routine now mainly because I am not eating the gross amounts of food that I ate over the holiday.
Well I am dull nothing left to say.

One week until Christmas

It is Monday morning and I am at work pretending to be busy in the back but instead I am blogging. I am tired this morning because I stayed up last night to work on the quilt I should have finished ages ago and then I rewarded myself for working on my quilt by watching an episode of "Freaks and Geeks". Now tell me why do they always take good television off the air and leave crap like Stargate on forever and ever? I don't get it. So now it is Monday morning and I am sleepy and I want to go home and watch more "Freaks and Geeks" and finish that blasted quilt. Sigh - I guess you can't always get what you want.

Home sweet home

I am in Vermilion right now. Hanging out with my parents and staying at the house I grew up in and sleeping in the room that use to have the cast of 90210 all over its walls. I don't always look forward to a weekend back home but when I get here I am always thankful I came. I love my parents and today it wasn't as awkward as it usually is going back to my old church.
I forgot how cold this house is - maybe that is why I don't mind the cold becuase I have been conditioned for it since I was a very young child.
I have 5 days off right now and loving it. It actually has been nice to work more lately really make me appreciate my time off. Okay I am going to go and crawl under a banket so I can get warm....brrrrrrrr.

Worst Version of Me

Not sure what I should write about. Not much going on with me. I have been making bad choices lately and feeling pretty crappy about it. You know just in the little stuff like food I eat, how I spend my time and I know that I should be wise but I am just too lazy to change. No excuse really - praise the Lord that He is infinitely patient. I don't know how he puts up with us sometimes. I just hate when I live for the weekends and during the week when work is busy all I want to do is watch TV and sit around in my pjs. I know it is okay every now and then but when its all the time I know that I can't maintain that for too long or I just start turning into the worst version of myself.
Okay, not to be a downer or anything I wanted to acknowledge and instead of blogging about nothing I may as well be truthful because lying is my natural tendancy. Another confession people may not know about me - I lie. Stupid little lies that I think protects people - especially me but they don't. They are ugly and sinful and make me feel not so hot. Sigh not sure how this turned into confession time. Guess I am blogging to keep accountable now. Well I should probably go now and spend some time with Jesus. But instead of condemnation I have a feeling He wants to laugh at me and tell me I screwed up again but that it is okay.

Oh so cold

Okay, I enjoy winter but this is a little ridiculous. Not only is it cold outside but I went to a movie tonight and it was freezing in the theatre. I am pretty sure they had the air conditioning on.
The air band party ended up being a lot of fun. The hall was great and we did a lot of dancing afterward which I love. The guys did "Bohemian Rhapsody" and it was wonderful. I wish I knew how to attach a video because I have a sweet clip of Peter and Dave ripping Brent's shirt off.
I went to see Chad Vangaalen last night at the new Sidetrack. It was a nice enough atmosphere and I had a good time with my friends but it is set up really poorly. They have the stage in an awkward place and everyone was shoved into this corner and we couldn't even see him. But I still have fun - I really love him. I love how he is awkward and often messes up then talks a lot about it. Tomorrow night I am going to Sarah Slean - two shows in one weekend that is crazy. I almost went to three because The Dears are in town tonight but I had to draw the line.
Work has been insane lately - so much to do so little time. This weather isn't helping anything. I honestly thought after my day on Thursday that I wouldn't be able to go on but I did and Friday was even worse but it didn't get to me as much. Yes Friday was really crappy and nothing seemed to be going right but I remember where I am. I remember why I work where I do...I praise God for giving me a heart for street people because if not for that I would never survive in my job. I was laughing a little while back about how my this job is probably twice as stressful as my last job but I LOVE it. My last job was just a job - nothing more - it was what I did so that I could afford to live. So even though almost every day I am run off my feet and never feel like I have enough time to finish anything I live now in a lot more peace. So I guess that it is worth it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESTHER!

It is official. Winter is here. We have had a ton of snow lately and I have almost gotten stuck a few times with my car on the unplowed roads. But it was still a beautiful day today and a lot of the snow was actually melting. With all of this brilliant white around it really makes it feel like Christmas is coming. I love Christmas - the entire season fills me with joy. I am so grateful that I don't have to work Christmas at all this year and get to go home and be with my family. I started my Christmas shopping yesterday but I am clueless about what to get people this year - so if you are reading this and expecting a gift from me let me know what you want!
I also enjoy decorating for the season but that has come difficult with my cat around. For those of you who know Tybalt you know what I am talking about. Don't let the sweet exterior fool you. He is crazy and unrelenting when he gets fixated on destroying something.
Okay nothing much else to say my life is boring. Airband party only 3 days away ARE YOU READY!

Ballad of Humankindness

I am looking at my fingernails on the keyboard as I type this and thinking I really need to cut them. I hate long fingernails but so often forget to cut them. Sorry to talk about it but I am just so distracted by them right now.
Had a good weekend. My parents came down on Friday and we went out for an early birthday dinner for me at Langano Skies (awesome food). Then we came back to my place and had cake. My mom made a rainbow cake which I love because she use to always make them for us when we were kids.
Then on Saturday I volunteered at the Salt & Light banquet which is an event that my church has for women and children who live in the inner city. I signed up to be there and pray while everything was going on. Sometimes it can be a struggle finding things to pray for the whole four hours but that wasn't the case. The women who came had the opportunity to write down prayer requests for us and we got so many. I wouldn't be surpassed if every single person submitted a prayer request. It was a real honor to have them be so honest and humble.
I am listening to a song right now by The Dears called "Ballad of Humankindness" and he talks about being sick of his own complacency towards the state of the world and really wanting change. Like him I want to have hope for change - so God keep giving me hope to believe that change will come and you will keep bringing people out of complacency. Bring your healing to inner city Edmonton.

And I can't believe the vast amounts of people living on the streets...And I can't believe that I haven't lent a hand that I'm just standing here...No one should have to live all of their life on their own. -The Dears

Homemaker Me

Thought I would brag a little and show the quilt that I am making for my parents for Christmas. I think I am pretty safe because my parents have never read my blog.
Quilting is something I started doing less than a year ago now and I really love it. I never saw myself as a creative person before and have had very little outlet for that part of me in the past. I tried various things - wrote crappy poetry and short stories, attempted beading and scrapbooking, even bought a sketch book once and tried that. All of these, plus others I am probably not remembering now, only brought me frustration and no fulfillment. But I remember once probably about a year and a half ago now having a conversation with God sort of complaining about my lack of creativity but my desire to express myself in some way and to connect to God in that at the same time. It was then that God told me that I could go ahead and try whatever I wanted. He told me I was too hung up on trying to be good at something when really all I had to do was give up my pride and enjoy it. It was then that I started dancing in my living room when I worshiped Him not caring how I looked or how foolish I felt and shortly after a friend introduced me to quilting. I realized that I wasn't that great at it but I could do it and I really loved it. Now I can spend entire days working on one sometimes with my friend Shari and other days just me and God. So today that is what I did and just wanted to share it with you my friends.

Let's make some soup because the weather is turing cold

It was a beautiful day in Edmonton today. We had our first REAL snow - snow with some staying power. It was the really great wet, fluffy stuff that makes you want to twirl around in it as it falls on your eyelashes. Yes I am a nerd.
It is daylight savings today and it is great because we talk about how we have this extra hour of sleep but really I am up much later than my usual so...Oh well. So this is my sleepy blog. My "I haven't written in a while don't really have much to say" blog.
I am listening to Hawksley Workman right now - his Christmas album of course. He is so delightful and "first snow of the year" just started.
Okay I am turning 27 in less than two weeks. Not really looking foward to it. I use to love my birthday but now I want it to slip by with little acknowledgment. For 25 and 26 I was actually really sad to be getting older now I feel as though I have accepted it but not not wanting to celebrate it. I know it is stupid we all get older but I guess I start to wander - what the heck have I done? where am I going? blah, blah, blah. Such is life I guess. It is not all bad - I liked 26 - I'll like 27 I am sure.

But I wouldn't mind being beside you dear on that laundry line to dry.

Funny how it is...

Not really sure why I write in this thing. No one really reads it anyway. Now I am not saying this to ask for pity or even a comment. I am simply realizing that this blog is more for me than anyone else. Simply another form of expression. Not quite a journal but deeper than a "what I did on my summer vacation" sort of thing. I guess their is just something to putting down your thoughts and sending them out into "cyberspace" that puts some sort of meaning to them. Makes them worth something more I suppose.
It snowed in the city yesterday. I had very little reaction to it as did the rest of Edmonton. It is already gone but sure to come back in the not so distant future. I have a love/hate relationship with snow. I love how it makes everything seem so beautiful - like a soft white blanket. The one thing I really don't like about snow though is that it drives all of the street people indoors and there just isn't room enough for them. The shelter where I work has been FULL every single night lately and I hate to have to tell people that I have no room in medical dorm especially for people who really need it. It really makes my heart sad but I guess you just do what you can with what you have and pray for miracles!

Happy Thanksgiving

I am at my parent's place right now for Thanksgiving. Staying in my old bedroom in the house I grew up in. It is good to be here. I never appreciated small town life when I was in it but I realize now that it was pretty great. Vermilion is a good little town full of my family and where I met and grew up with my dearest friends. I love the city, it is home to me now, but I wouldn't trade my small town "wonder years" for it.
I just finished eating a huge Thanksgiving dinner out at my grandparent's farm. I ate three kinds of pie because they are all made by my grandma and impossible to choose from. I am so full but I don't regret a single bite. It was sooooo worth it.
I am going to read my book now - isn't life grand.

Nothing new

Hello friends. So nothing new to report. Life the same as usual. Angie is starting to plan our annual Rock and Roll party and it is very exciting. Since the house is no more she decided to book a hall if you can believe it. This is how hard core my friend is - she is pretty amazing.
We have to start rehearsing soon oh I love airbanding.
Fall is in full swing here in Edmonton and I am enjoying it immensely. Went for a walk through the Legistrature grounds on Saturday with Angie and Todd and it was pretty spectacular. I tried to find piles of leaves wherever I could - I love that crunching sound. Why can't fall last as long as winter? Oh well I guess that is what makes it so special.